Application for Philip J. Fry

[icyweiner.livejournal.com]

Fry rubs his forehead and takes stock of his surroundings, trying to remember if it’s normal that he has no idea how he got here.

“What is this, some kind of Disneyland planet?” He doesn’t see Leela or Bender or the Planet Express ship anywhere. “Guys?” Leaving him alone on a Disneyland planet is so not funny.



Mickey coughs theatrically. "'What is your name?'"

Fry jumps, but he definitely doesn’t scream when Mickey Mouse starts talking to him. “Uh, it’s Fry.” He eyes it suspiciously and takes a step back.

"What is your quest?" asks the Cat. It's perched, suddenly, on the roof of one of the gate-stiles.

Oh, great, another one. What the hell is going on? “I don’t know,” he says defensively. “To deliver stuff?”

"'What is the average w..?'" Mickey frowns down at the notebook. "You know, I don't really see why that's important." He flips a page. "'If you could be granted three wishes, what would they be?'"

"Or," the Cat says, examining its tail with interest, "if you were a genie and someone you were trying to
give three wishes to was trying to trick you into giving him more, what would you say?"

These questions are hard. “This seems like the kind of thing that’s usually a trick question and then something bad happens and I learn a valuable lesson.” He pauses. “So I wish for a really cool job and a hot girlfriend and to be good at everything. And for the second question I guess it would be okay as long as he wasn’t trying to get better stuff than what I wished for.”

Mickey looks rather nonplused at the next, but reads, "'When the revolution comes, what skills will you be able to barter for food?'"

“Uh—I’m a brilliant war strategist.” Well, he played a lot of video games. “And I once was the emperor of an entire planet. So you should probably just give me food in hopes that I don’t turn on you.” It kinda seemed like they were buying it by the way nobody tried to contradict him, but it was hard to tell since no one seemed to be responding specifically to any of his answers. But he didn’t really feel like volunteering to be a delivery boy, and there was no way this could hurt in the long run. No way at all.

The Cat rolls its eyes in a friendly (and rather disconcertingly out-of-sync) way, and asks, "Milk, dark, or white chocolate?"

They’d bought it so much they were now offering him chocolate to placate him? Clearly he was a genius. “Milk chocolate’s fine. But actually, I’d really like some beer.”

"'Choose the two coolest: robots, pirates, fairies, bears, ninjas, monkeys, vampires, or humans,'" says Mickey, giggling a bit as he goes through the list. "'Explain.'"

Fry doesn’t seem particularly bothered by this question or the way his request for beer was seemingly ignored. “I dunno, I always liked robot sci fi movies best when I was younger, but where I come from now they’re kind of everywhere. But I guess the cool ones with laser blasters and time traveling and stuff are still pretty awesome, so I choose robots. And ninjas are pretty good, too. Hey, why hasn’t anyone ever made a movie about robot ninjas? Wouldn’t that be a great movie? It could have vampires, too, I guess.”

"Great!" Mickey flips through the blank pages of the notebook at top, cartoon-y speed. "Well, I think that's just about it! Oh, and I'm supposed to ask, 'for your safety: are you carrying anything sharp?'"

Wait, what did that mean? Did he need a sharp thing for his safety, or was he not supposed to have any sharp things? Why did people in the future always have to make everything so confusing? “Well,” he said, “whichever one you think I should be saying? You were right.” There. That should do it. He was really on top of it today.



((Fry is from Futurama, specifically sometime in the last season. Frankly it doesn't really matter where XD))

Comments

[icyweiner.livejournal.com]

"Hi," replies Fry, taking a step back. He isn't quite sure what to make of this guy, although he definitely is picking up on the aforementioned rainbow aura. It isn't that Fry has anything against gay people per se, it's just that he's yet to figure out that if the majority of women don't want him, the majority of gays probably don't either.

Also, his name isn't Fry-kun. "It's...nice to meet you," he said cooly, attempting to project heterosexuality. "It seems interesting."

[whistlingwizard.livejournal.com]

Fay smiles warmly. "It's nice," he replies. "A little strange, if you're not used to things like this. No money and it's always sunny. But that makes a nice change." He spreads his arms and grins. "Don't you think so?"

And with the air of a game show host awarding the star prize, "You're right, too. Ninjas are the best. Especially Kuro-puu." He claps. "You'll like him. He's the best ninja in his country. He got sent away, though. That was probably just for being so good." He giggles.

[icyweiner.livejournal.com]

"Yeah, all of that stuff sounds great," says Fry enthusiastically. "Know what I really like? Women."

Fry had really more been talking about robot ninjas possibly fighting vampires, but now he's certain he doesn't want to meet this 'Kuro-puu' or any of his deranged gay fanboys.

[whistlingwizard.livejournal.com]

Fay gives Fry a look simply described as 'what the fuck?' "... Sure," he says after a long, long pause. He's found a lunatic. Well done him.

"There's one here you can't have," he says, drawing himself up to his full height and not smiling quite as much. "If you see a young girl named Chii, you are not to try anything." He gives Fry a bright, slightly dangerous, grin. "Okay, Fry-kun?"

[icyweiner.livejournal.com]

"...Yeah, okay," replies Fry, not wanting to antagonize Fay. Oh, man, with his luck Chii would be totally hot or something. But he didn't want Fay to do...whatever it is he'd do. Turn him gay with his mind or something.

"Why, is she like, your girlfriend or something?" Well, you never knew.

[whistlingwizard.livejournal.com]

"She's my daughter," Fay answers promptly. "And as she is on a quest to find her one and only, she does not need to be misled. She's a simple girl," he continues. "Lovely, but simple. Do not take advantage of her."

Fay lacks that power, but he is perfectly capable of mind games. And if Fry does something really, really bad, he would probably be able to get Kurogane to help.

[icyweiner.livejournal.com]

The fact that Chii is Fay's daughter doesn't actually convince Fry of anything regarding Fay's sexuality, considering that pretty much anything is possible in the 31st century. But he doesn't want to mess around with anyone's scary overprotective dad.

"Okay, okay, geez." He wasn't looking to be tied down, anyway. Unless she was really really hot.

[whistlingwizard.livejournal.com]

"Good."

Then Fay is all bright smiles and butterflies again. "So how did you get here, Fry-kun? Do you have any ninjas where you come from? And what are robots? I didn't really get that. Ninjas are the best, of course, because Kuro-tan is a ninja. It really should have asked about princesses, though, because I know an absolutely lovely princess. Or manjuu buns. I know Mokona isn't actually a manjuu bun, but it's the closest description anyone's come to giving the dear thing..."

He pauses and smiles. This is apparently Fry's cue to answer.

[icyweiner.livejournal.com]

Okay, this guy is officially insane. "Uh, I don't really remember. But you know what? I just remembered that I have this...thing, so I should probably be going. But it was nice to meet you."

With that, he takes off in the direction of the gates.

[whistlingwizard.livejournal.com]

Fay shrugs. "Okay. See you, Fry-kun. I'll be at the Cat's Eye Cafe in New Orleans Square if you need me." He would probably need a minder, would Fry. Someone to make sure he didn't do anything silly.

He watches him walk away, then calls, "You probably shouldn't do that."

[icyweiner.livejournal.com]

Fry is one of those people who are pretty much guaranteed to press the 'Do Not Touch' button. "Why not?" he asks, turning back to look at Fay for a second but still walking.

[whistlingwizard.livejournal.com]

Fay shrugs. "I don't know if anyone's tried it yet. But I've heard we're not allowed to leave, so I guess something would happen if you try to go through the gates." After a pause he adds, "It's probably unpleasant!"

[icyweiner.livejournal.com]

Fry considers this momentarily, and then keeps walking. "See? I've got this far and nothing bad's happened ye-- et," he finished woozily. Then he slumped to the ground. "I don't feel so well."

[whistlingwizard.livejournal.com]

Fay watches Fry's attempts, one hand on his hip. "Told you it was a silly idea, Fry-kun," he says conversationally. "Do you want me to come and help you?"

[icyweiner.livejournal.com]

Fry manages to pull himself up and backwards, out of the part that makes him dizzy. "Nope, I'm good." Then he starts walking forward again and promptly falls over.

"Whoa. I don't feel so well."