Application for Philip J. Fry

[icyweiner.livejournal.com]

Fry rubs his forehead and takes stock of his surroundings, trying to remember if it’s normal that he has no idea how he got here.

“What is this, some kind of Disneyland planet?” He doesn’t see Leela or Bender or the Planet Express ship anywhere. “Guys?” Leaving him alone on a Disneyland planet is so not funny.



Mickey coughs theatrically. "'What is your name?'"

Fry jumps, but he definitely doesn’t scream when Mickey Mouse starts talking to him. “Uh, it’s Fry.” He eyes it suspiciously and takes a step back.

"What is your quest?" asks the Cat. It's perched, suddenly, on the roof of one of the gate-stiles.

Oh, great, another one. What the hell is going on? “I don’t know,” he says defensively. “To deliver stuff?”

"'What is the average w..?'" Mickey frowns down at the notebook. "You know, I don't really see why that's important." He flips a page. "'If you could be granted three wishes, what would they be?'"

"Or," the Cat says, examining its tail with interest, "if you were a genie and someone you were trying to
give three wishes to was trying to trick you into giving him more, what would you say?"

These questions are hard. “This seems like the kind of thing that’s usually a trick question and then something bad happens and I learn a valuable lesson.” He pauses. “So I wish for a really cool job and a hot girlfriend and to be good at everything. And for the second question I guess it would be okay as long as he wasn’t trying to get better stuff than what I wished for.”

Mickey looks rather nonplused at the next, but reads, "'When the revolution comes, what skills will you be able to barter for food?'"

“Uh—I’m a brilliant war strategist.” Well, he played a lot of video games. “And I once was the emperor of an entire planet. So you should probably just give me food in hopes that I don’t turn on you.” It kinda seemed like they were buying it by the way nobody tried to contradict him, but it was hard to tell since no one seemed to be responding specifically to any of his answers. But he didn’t really feel like volunteering to be a delivery boy, and there was no way this could hurt in the long run. No way at all.

The Cat rolls its eyes in a friendly (and rather disconcertingly out-of-sync) way, and asks, "Milk, dark, or white chocolate?"

They’d bought it so much they were now offering him chocolate to placate him? Clearly he was a genius. “Milk chocolate’s fine. But actually, I’d really like some beer.”

"'Choose the two coolest: robots, pirates, fairies, bears, ninjas, monkeys, vampires, or humans,'" says Mickey, giggling a bit as he goes through the list. "'Explain.'"

Fry doesn’t seem particularly bothered by this question or the way his request for beer was seemingly ignored. “I dunno, I always liked robot sci fi movies best when I was younger, but where I come from now they’re kind of everywhere. But I guess the cool ones with laser blasters and time traveling and stuff are still pretty awesome, so I choose robots. And ninjas are pretty good, too. Hey, why hasn’t anyone ever made a movie about robot ninjas? Wouldn’t that be a great movie? It could have vampires, too, I guess.”

"Great!" Mickey flips through the blank pages of the notebook at top, cartoon-y speed. "Well, I think that's just about it! Oh, and I'm supposed to ask, 'for your safety: are you carrying anything sharp?'"

Wait, what did that mean? Did he need a sharp thing for his safety, or was he not supposed to have any sharp things? Why did people in the future always have to make everything so confusing? “Well,” he said, “whichever one you think I should be saying? You were right.” There. That should do it. He was really on top of it today.



((Fry is from Futurama, specifically sometime in the last season. Frankly it doesn't really matter where XD))

Comments

[ishotfirst.livejournal.com]

Han has to try really, really hard not to laugh when he approaches the newest applicant. He almost doesn't manage. "An emperor, huh?" he says in a not-quite-believing tone of voice.

[icyweiner.livejournal.com]

"Wow, Han Solo!" Fry is a simple kind of guy, and doesn't see why, if he's going to be in Disneyland, Han Solo shouldn't be here. His excitement is more akin to meeting a famous celebrity than to seeing a fictional character come to life.

Of course, some of his excitement abates when it becomes clear Han doesn't believe he was really the emperor of a planet. Which is unfair, because he really was. "Yes," insists Fry. "I was. But I quit because the job was getting kind of boring-slash-dangerous."

[ishotfirst.livejournal.com]

"That's me," says Han, apparently not at all put off by the enthusiastic reception. Why shouldn't people be excited to see him? "In the flesh."

Then Han raises an eyebrow skeptically. "You did?" he says. "Just like that? What did you do, tell all your subjects, 'It's been fun, but now I'm done being emperor so you guys are on your own.'?"

[icyweiner.livejournal.com]

"Well, the real emperor turned out to be not as dead as everyone thought," replies Fry. "So he sort of just took it up where I left off." He doesn't mention the parts where he was nearly assassinated and the entire planet tried to run him out violently, nor the part where he was only made emperor for accidentally killing the old emperor. They don't seem very important.

[ishotfirst.livejournal.com]

"I -- I see." Han isn't really sure he does see, actually, and he's still pretty convinced Fry is making this whole thing up. But he decides to humor the poor guy. "That must have been really convenient for you. The old guy showing up as soon as you decided you were tired of the job, I mean."

[whistlingwizard.livejournal.com]

"Hi~!" Fay calls, waving cheerfully at Fry. "My name's Fay D. Flourite. What do you think of this place, Fry-kun?"

[icyweiner.livejournal.com]

"Hi," replies Fry, taking a step back. He isn't quite sure what to make of this guy, although he definitely is picking up on the aforementioned rainbow aura. It isn't that Fry has anything against gay people per se, it's just that he's yet to figure out that if the majority of women don't want him, the majority of gays probably don't either.

Also, his name isn't Fry-kun. "It's...nice to meet you," he said cooly, attempting to project heterosexuality. "It seems interesting."

[whistlingwizard.livejournal.com]

Fay smiles warmly. "It's nice," he replies. "A little strange, if you're not used to things like this. No money and it's always sunny. But that makes a nice change." He spreads his arms and grins. "Don't you think so?"

And with the air of a game show host awarding the star prize, "You're right, too. Ninjas are the best. Especially Kuro-puu." He claps. "You'll like him. He's the best ninja in his country. He got sent away, though. That was probably just for being so good." He giggles.

[icyweiner.livejournal.com]

"Yeah, all of that stuff sounds great," says Fry enthusiastically. "Know what I really like? Women."

Fry had really more been talking about robot ninjas possibly fighting vampires, but now he's certain he doesn't want to meet this 'Kuro-puu' or any of his deranged gay fanboys.

[whistlingwizard.livejournal.com]

Fay gives Fry a look simply described as 'what the fuck?' "... Sure," he says after a long, long pause. He's found a lunatic. Well done him.

"There's one here you can't have," he says, drawing himself up to his full height and not smiling quite as much. "If you see a young girl named Chii, you are not to try anything." He gives Fry a bright, slightly dangerous, grin. "Okay, Fry-kun?"

[skaffenamtiskaw]

"Good afternoon, Mr Fry." The drone bowed. "I am Fohristiwhirl Skaffen-Amtiskaw Handrahen Dran Easpyou, but you may call me Skaffen-Amtiskaw. I'm glad to hear that you like robots."

[icyweiner.livejournal.com]

Fry is hardly surprised to see a flying box thing that blinks colors at him. The thing that is a little surprising is how polite the drone is-- most robots with AI in his world generally act fairly human and are rarely polite, so Fry naturally assumes Skaffen-Amtiskaw is a service bot who has been programmed to be extra obedient.

"Well, hey there, little guy!" he replies. "What do you do?" Please be a snack-getting robot, please be a snack getting robot...

[skaffenamtiskaw]

"Normally I am a bodyguard and escort drone in the Culture's Special Circumstances branch," it said, cheerfully aware of the fact that this will probably mean nothing in particular to the human. "While I'm here, though, I have been conducting independent research."

[icyweiner.livejournal.com]

"Oh. That's interesting." Damn it. But at least this robot might know what's going on, and the fact that he seems to be functioning perfectly means there's probably something to drink around here besides what that Crowley guy has.

"So, like, what the hell is this place?"

((Just a note for those unfamiliar with the canon, but in Futurama the robots run on alcohol))

[skaffenamtiskaw]

"We're not entirely sure," the drone says. "What we do know is that it's based on the Disneyland park on Earth, that we can't leave, that the weather is always like this, and that everything in the restaurants and shops restocks itself." The drone tilted slightly, a sort of shrug. "It could all be much worse, I suppose. Oh, and don't upset the invisible security."

((*dies* I did not actually know that, as I've only seen about ... 10 eps of Futurama in my life. I encourage any and all robot-based misunderstandings Fry might have with regard to Skaffen-Amtiskaw, by the way. ^_^))

[anthony-crowley.livejournal.com]

Crowley was bored and Antoinette needed to be seen more in the days leading up to the opening of the club, so she headed down to meet whatever ridiculous newcomer had arrived this time. Well, at least he wasn't Japanese...

"Hello, gorgeous. What brings you to a place like this?"

[icyweiner.livejournal.com]

"Huh?" Fry looked around trying to figure out who this extremely hot woman was talking too. He didn't see anyone behind him, though. "Oh, me?" Surprise was probably evident on his face, but he ran a hand through his hair and grinned. "You know, work stuff I guess. I'm a space pilot."

Well, he wasn't officially a pilot, but Leela had taught him how to fly the ship and he wasn't completely bad at it. "I'm Fry, by the way,"

[anthony-crowley.livejournal.com]

"A space pilot!" Crowley sounded impressed. She wasn't, but she sounded it. "How dashing. My name's Antoinette. A pleasure, Fry."

[icyweiner.livejournal.com]

Wow. He could totally tell she was really impressed, and didn't just sound like it. He grinned. "Why thank you, Antoinette," he said as dashingly as he could. "You're a pleasure too. I mean meeting you is." Damn it.

[anthony-crowley.livejournal.com]

She giggled. "You're cute. Tell me, handsome, are you a natural redhead?"

[mickey-mous.livejournal.com]

"Well, all righty, Fry," Mickey squeaked. "Are ya ready to learn which of our excitin' lands you'll be livin' in?"

[icyweiner.livejournal.com]

"What?" asked Fry somewhat skeptically. He wasn't intending on living anywhere. Unless it was free. "Is it free?"

[mickey-mous.livejournal.com]

Micked grinned. "'Course it is, fella! Everythin' is. Now what do ya think of Tomorrowland?"

[icyweiner.livejournal.com]

Fry shrugged. "Sure, why not?" Then he thought of something. "Hey, what's Tommorrowland like now that we're in the 31st century?"

The rest of the park didn't really look futurey. They even had old fashioned turn-styles.

[mickey-mous.livejournal.com]

"It's a look at tomorrow through the eyes of yesterday," Mickey said reverently. "It's just right for ya! I'm puttin' you there. Your mail will go to Fry (http://community.livejournal.com/dizzy_land/tag/fry). Welcome to the Happiest Place on Earth!"

((And don't forget to update your contact info (http://community.livejournal.com/dizzy_backstage/1307.html)! :D))