Application - Spike

[bloodandchips.livejournal.com]

Spike didn't have a chance to admire the scenery. All that registered with him was sunny, and that was enough. His hair and hands started smoldering immediately. He spotted a souvenir stand and dove for cover. He went over the counter headfirst but it wasn't fast enough to keep his hand from catching fire.

"Bloody hell!" he yelled. It was rather muffled, however, by him being face down in a pile of candy, brightly colored hats and little plastic toys that lit up and whirled.

Mickey coughs theatrically. "'What is your name?'"

"Hello? I'm ON FIRE here!" Spike yanked a giant Mickey Mouse glove off a hook and smothered the fire on his hand. He pulled himself up, shaking bits of plastic out of his black leather trenchcoat and watched as the stand mended itself. "Huh." Now safely in the shade, he straightened up and tried to gather what remained of his dignity. "Right, then. I'm Spike. What the hell is going on here?"

"What is your quest?" asks the Cat. It's perched, suddenly, on the roof of one of the gate-stiles.

"My quest? To have fun and kick some ass," Spike said. "More of a mission statement, really." What on earth was going on? Must be another of Red's spells gone bad.

"'What is the average w..?'" Mickey frowns down at the notebook. "You know, I don't really see why that's important." He flips a page. "'If you could be granted three wishes, what would they be?'"

"What, are you offering?" Spike asked. "Get this bloody chip out of my head, for one. And a bit of revenge wouldn't hurt," he said. "Actually, get the chip out and I'll take care of the rest myself." He patted the pockets of his trenchcoat. "Though I wouldn't say no to a pack of smokes, if you've got 'em."

"Or," the Cat says, examining its tail with interest, "if you were a genie and someone you were trying to give three wishes to was trying to trick you into giving him more, what would you say?"

Spike snorted. "Bugger that."

Mickey looks rather nonplused at the next, but reads, "'When the revolution comes, what skills will you be able to barter for food?'"

"I'll find my own food, thanks. I'm sick of this bartering crap."

The Cat rolls its eyes in a friendly (and rather disconcertingly out-of-sync) way, and asks, "Milk, dark, or white chocolate?"

"Dark," Spike said. "Nothing with walnuts, though. I hate those."

"'Choose the two coolest: robots, pirates, fairies, bears, ninjas, monkeys, vampires, or humans,'" says Mickey, giggling a bit as he goes through the list. "'Explain.'"

"Vampires, obviously," Spike said. "Then... I guess I'll say ninjas. No, wait, monkeys. I like monkeys."

"Great!" Mickey flips through the blank pages of the notebook at top, cartoon-y speed. "Well, I think that's just about it! Oh, and I'm supposed to ask, 'for your safety: are you carrying anything sharp?'"

"Not so much carrying, no," Spike said. He shifted into gameface, ridges forming on his forehead, blue eyes changing to yellow and fangs descending. He snarled at Mickey, then shifted back to his human face. "But I do all right for myself."

((Spike from Buffy the Vampire Slayer here. Taken from between seasons 4 and 5. He's one of the bad guys (as he will cheerfully tell you) but he's got an electronic chip in his head that causes massive head pain if he tries to hurt a human or animal. That part he will not advertise. Yes, he mentioned the chip (not knowing that the answers were being broadcast) but he didn't say what it does. I'm sure Xander persons in the know will be happy to enlighten others, but he wants to stay scary as long as he can.))

Comments

[bloodandchips.livejournal.com]

"Have you?" Spike asked.

[grumpy-sunshine.livejournal.com]

"Yes," she bit out. It wasn't something she would've admitted normally, since it would've seemed a little strange to people in her world. (Strange because she was still alive.) But she was irritated.

[bloodandchips.livejournal.com]

"So you think you're an expert now," Spike said.

[grumpy-sunshine.livejournal.com]

"More of one than most people who aren't dead. And it doesn't take an expert to tell you don't look or sound remotely like a vampire."

[bloodandchips.livejournal.com]

"What is a vampire supposed to look and sound like, then?" Spike asked, amused.

[grumpy-sunshine.livejournal.com]

Flat glare. "Not human." She felt no particular desire to give a series of lectures on the subject; vampires were very very not-human looking and sounding and moving. Gut-wrenchingly wrong in every movement: they almost didn't occupy the same kind of physical space as humans. And while she was starting to get a bit of a prickle at the back of her neck about this whole situation, and the fact that he even thought it was funny, it was nothing like the adrenaline-dumping instinctive terror of vampire near me, oh gods I'm going to die.

After a second she added, reluctantly, "Unless they're trying to pass."

[bloodandchips.livejournal.com]

"More like this, maybe?" Spike shifted into gameface. Ridges formed on his forehead, his eyes turned yellow and his fangs descended.

[grumpy-sunshine.livejournal.com]

Sunshine jumped back a good three feet, startled. And then stood in the sunlight with her hands on her hips. The burnt hand was scarier, really.

"...Not especially, no. So, what, you're part demon?"

[bloodandchips.livejournal.com]

Spike shifted back to his human face. "Well, yeah," he said. "I'm a vampire."

[grumpy-sunshine.livejournal.com]

And that just made no sense whatsoever. "You're delusional. And when you do that...morphing thing, you look like a Star Trek alien."

[bloodandchips.livejournal.com]

"I'm not delusional, I'm a bloody vampire! How thick are you?"

[grumpy-sunshine.livejournal.com]

"I'm not the idiot claiming to be one of the Darkest Others for shits and giggles!" she snapped back, taking a step back towards him and poking him in the chest. "If you were a vampire y...carthaginian fucking hell!" She tried to jump back again. Preferably to the other side of the park. Her hand was tingling, and that vampire-in-the-room feeling? Had just kicked in.

[bloodandchips.livejournal.com]

"'Darkest Others'?" Spike rolled his eyes. "Oh, god, you're a groupie."

[grumpy-sunshine.livejournal.com]

Still a little too busy freaking out to process that one, thanks. "You're...but..." She attempted to get a grip. "Son of a red-eyed bitch. You...do they all look like you, where you're from?"

Why are you not running away, Sunshine?

[bloodandchips.livejournal.com]

"I'm one of a kind, thank you!" Spike said. "But in a general sense, yeah. We keep our human forms unless we're hunting or feeding. You from one of the demon dimensions, then?"

[grumpy-sunshine.livejournal.com]

"From...? No! I'm from Earth." And I'm still not running away. "But...but it's not the same Earth. Um. That most people here are from."

Wow, that sounded idiotic. She crossed her arms defensively. Yes, that will be very helpful if he attacks you. Stop talking and start running.

[bloodandchips.livejournal.com]

Not a lot of humans had been afraid of him lately. Spike rather liked it. He shifted into gameface, lunged in her direction (stopping himself before he left the shade of the stand) and yelled, "Boo!"

[grumpy-sunshine.livejournal.com]

She yelped, jumped, and then went back to glaring. "Don't do that. Shiva. Um." She gripped her head in her hands. "This is not good."

[bloodandchips.livejournal.com]

Spike chuckled. "Don't worry," he said. "I won't bite you. You're not my type." Actually, he couldn't bite any humans these days, but he didn't feel like sharing that detail.

[grumpy-sunshine.livejournal.com]

"Gosh, thanks. And how exactly are you going to go about finding someone who is?"

[bloodandchips.livejournal.com]

"Thought I might take out an advert in the local paper," Spike said dryly.

[grumpy-sunshine.livejournal.com]

"The papers we've got here, it wouldn't stand out much," Sunshine replied, equally dryly. She thought for a second, then asked, "Can you get by on animal bl...oh hell, we don't even have any animals, just the ducks."

[bloodandchips.livejournal.com]

"Not a fan of duck," Spike said. "I hear otter's not too bad."

[grumpy-sunshine.livejournal.com]

"Yeah, well, I prefer Veuve Cliquot to Dom Perignon," she snapped. "Do you get that you're stuck here? Rumor has it nobody can die, but I swear to you if I hear of you attacking anybody I'll..."

[bloodandchips.livejournal.com]

"Oh, you're one of those," Spike sighed. "Right. I'll be on my best behavior, then."