Application - Spike

[bloodandchips.livejournal.com]

Spike didn't have a chance to admire the scenery. All that registered with him was sunny, and that was enough. His hair and hands started smoldering immediately. He spotted a souvenir stand and dove for cover. He went over the counter headfirst but it wasn't fast enough to keep his hand from catching fire.

"Bloody hell!" he yelled. It was rather muffled, however, by him being face down in a pile of candy, brightly colored hats and little plastic toys that lit up and whirled.

Mickey coughs theatrically. "'What is your name?'"

"Hello? I'm ON FIRE here!" Spike yanked a giant Mickey Mouse glove off a hook and smothered the fire on his hand. He pulled himself up, shaking bits of plastic out of his black leather trenchcoat and watched as the stand mended itself. "Huh." Now safely in the shade, he straightened up and tried to gather what remained of his dignity. "Right, then. I'm Spike. What the hell is going on here?"

"What is your quest?" asks the Cat. It's perched, suddenly, on the roof of one of the gate-stiles.

"My quest? To have fun and kick some ass," Spike said. "More of a mission statement, really." What on earth was going on? Must be another of Red's spells gone bad.

"'What is the average w..?'" Mickey frowns down at the notebook. "You know, I don't really see why that's important." He flips a page. "'If you could be granted three wishes, what would they be?'"

"What, are you offering?" Spike asked. "Get this bloody chip out of my head, for one. And a bit of revenge wouldn't hurt," he said. "Actually, get the chip out and I'll take care of the rest myself." He patted the pockets of his trenchcoat. "Though I wouldn't say no to a pack of smokes, if you've got 'em."

"Or," the Cat says, examining its tail with interest, "if you were a genie and someone you were trying to give three wishes to was trying to trick you into giving him more, what would you say?"

Spike snorted. "Bugger that."

Mickey looks rather nonplused at the next, but reads, "'When the revolution comes, what skills will you be able to barter for food?'"

"I'll find my own food, thanks. I'm sick of this bartering crap."

The Cat rolls its eyes in a friendly (and rather disconcertingly out-of-sync) way, and asks, "Milk, dark, or white chocolate?"

"Dark," Spike said. "Nothing with walnuts, though. I hate those."

"'Choose the two coolest: robots, pirates, fairies, bears, ninjas, monkeys, vampires, or humans,'" says Mickey, giggling a bit as he goes through the list. "'Explain.'"

"Vampires, obviously," Spike said. "Then... I guess I'll say ninjas. No, wait, monkeys. I like monkeys."

"Great!" Mickey flips through the blank pages of the notebook at top, cartoon-y speed. "Well, I think that's just about it! Oh, and I'm supposed to ask, 'for your safety: are you carrying anything sharp?'"

"Not so much carrying, no," Spike said. He shifted into gameface, ridges forming on his forehead, blue eyes changing to yellow and fangs descending. He snarled at Mickey, then shifted back to his human face. "But I do all right for myself."

((Spike from Buffy the Vampire Slayer here. Taken from between seasons 4 and 5. He's one of the bad guys (as he will cheerfully tell you) but he's got an electronic chip in his head that causes massive head pain if he tries to hurt a human or animal. That part he will not advertise. Yes, he mentioned the chip (not knowing that the answers were being broadcast) but he didn't say what it does. I'm sure Xander persons in the know will be happy to enlighten others, but he wants to stay scary as long as he can.))

Comments

[bloodandchips.livejournal.com]

Not a lot of humans had been afraid of him lately. Spike rather liked it. He shifted into gameface, lunged in her direction (stopping himself before he left the shade of the stand) and yelled, "Boo!"

[grumpy-sunshine.livejournal.com]

She yelped, jumped, and then went back to glaring. "Don't do that. Shiva. Um." She gripped her head in her hands. "This is not good."

[bloodandchips.livejournal.com]

Spike chuckled. "Don't worry," he said. "I won't bite you. You're not my type." Actually, he couldn't bite any humans these days, but he didn't feel like sharing that detail.

[grumpy-sunshine.livejournal.com]

"Gosh, thanks. And how exactly are you going to go about finding someone who is?"

[bloodandchips.livejournal.com]

"Thought I might take out an advert in the local paper," Spike said dryly.

[grumpy-sunshine.livejournal.com]

"The papers we've got here, it wouldn't stand out much," Sunshine replied, equally dryly. She thought for a second, then asked, "Can you get by on animal bl...oh hell, we don't even have any animals, just the ducks."

[bloodandchips.livejournal.com]

"Not a fan of duck," Spike said. "I hear otter's not too bad."

[grumpy-sunshine.livejournal.com]

"Yeah, well, I prefer Veuve Cliquot to Dom Perignon," she snapped. "Do you get that you're stuck here? Rumor has it nobody can die, but I swear to you if I hear of you attacking anybody I'll..."

[bloodandchips.livejournal.com]

"Oh, you're one of those," Spike sighed. "Right. I'll be on my best behavior, then."

[grumpy-sunshine.livejournal.com]

She scowled. She was well aware she didn't look like someone who could back up any kind of threat. She'd tried all her life not to look anything but normal. "I'm not actually kidding."

[bloodandchips.livejournal.com]

"Never thought you were," Spike said. An idea occurred to him. "Say, you mind keeping this vampire thing between us? Don't want the folks around here getting spooked."

[grumpy-sunshine.livejournal.com]

"I think the whole bursting into flames thing might disconcert them a little."

[bloodandchips.livejournal.com]

"I'm trying to break that habit," Spike said.

[grumpy-sunshine.livejournal.com]

"Right." She considered it for a second, and then thought, Why am I considering this? It's not like he's Con. "You know? On the whole? No. I do mind. As a matter of fact, I'm thinking it might be a good idea to post fliers just to let everybody know and maybe sharpen some stakes. Exactly what reason do I have to trust you and make it that much easier for you to treat the park like a buffet line?"

[bloodandchips.livejournal.com]

"Hey, I just don't want to have to defend myself against a panicked mob," Spike said.

[grumpy-sunshine.livejournal.com]

"Poor baby. Any particular reason I shouldn't be standing there handing out the pitchforks and torches?"

[bloodandchips.livejournal.com]

"I've never done anything to you," Spike said.

[grumpy-sunshine.livejournal.com]

She stared at him. "Just so you understand what we're talking about here," she said, levelly. "The Voodoo Wars in my world started when I was twelve. Tens of millions of people died. Most of the major cities in America were rendered mostly unhabitable or just plain wiped off the map. I won't even get into the things that happened in the Old World. But they lasted for years, and the human race damn near killed itself trying to survive. It might not even have worked. And my father and grandmother were - anyway."

She tried, mostly successfully, to keep her voice from shaking. "Vampires did that. And maybe you haven't done anything to me, personally. Maybe you wouldn't. But I don't think there's even a word in my world bad enough for someone who betrayed humanity by helping a vampire feed on other people."

Honor among thieves. If there was a word for it, they could use it for you, Sunshine. Even if Con didn't kill people...well, you didn't know that, really, when you set him free, did you?

"Any other reason I should trust you?"

[bloodandchips.livejournal.com]

Spike scratched the back of his head with his uninjured hand. "Nothing comes to mind," he admitted.

[grumpy-sunshine.livejournal.com]

"...Right." Well, crap. This was going to be...deeply uncomfortable and scary and crazy and how pathetic was it that all she really wanted to do right now was burst into tears? Preferably with Fett around to awkwardly pat her hand. She stiffened her spine and said, "Okay, then."

[bloodandchips.livejournal.com]

"Guess I'll see you around, then," Spike said.

[grumpy-sunshine.livejournal.com]

"Yeah. Guess you will." And then something occurred to her, and she gave a ridiculous, fractured little laugh she had to struggle to keep from turning into a full-scale bout of hysterics.

"...What did you say your name was?"

[bloodandchips.livejournal.com]

"Spike," Spike said. "Thanks for the first aid."

[grumpy-sunshine.livejournal.com]

"Right. See you. Spike." And she still wanted to laugh. Why did all the vampires she met have names that sounded like what you'd call a sheepdog?

She took a few steps further back into the sunlight and then nodded, turned and tottered away in the direction of New Orleans Square. Or maybe the very first chocolate vendor she could find.