dizzy_land | Application: Susan Sto Helit, Discworld

A tall, thin young woman appears in a puff of hot-pink smoke. Her hair, coiled in a rather prim bun, is white with a black streak through it; her eyes cold blue. She's sensibly dressed in a plain white blouse under a black jacket, long black skirt, and boots, and she looks rather schoolteacher-ish -- although instead of a ruler or pointer, she holds a cast-iron fireplace poker in her left hand. Her right hand is empty, which seems to startle her when she realises it.

She looks around hopefully, and immediately her face falls. "Oh hell. Hell. Now what?"

At the sight of Mickey and the Cat, she seems not so much astonished as deeply, deeply aggravated. She pinches the bridge of her nose and sighs.

Mickey coughs theatrically. "'What is your name?'"
"Susan Sto Helit."

"What is your quest?" asks the Cat. It's perched, suddenly, on the roof of one of the gate-stiles.
Susan narrows her eyes at the Cat, suspiciously. "Who wants to know?"

"'What is the average w..?'" Mickey frowns down at the notebook. "You know, I don't really see why that's important." He flips a page. "'If you could be granted three wishes, what would they be?'"
She looks thoughtful for a minute. Then she laughs, humourlessly. "No, I don't think so. There'd be a trick; there always is. Wish someone alive again, they come back as a draggy re-animated corpse with a taste for brains. No thanks."

"Or," the Cat says, examining its tail with interest, "if you were a genie and someone you were trying to give three wishes to was trying to trick you into giving him more, what would you say?"
"I'd tell him to stop being an idiot and that he clearly didn't deserve any of the damn things."

Mickey looks rather nonplused at the next, but reads, "'When the revolution comes, what skills will you be able to barter for food?'"
Susan rubs her forehead and looks very tired. "Revolution? Are you expecting one? Well, I'm a schoolteacher by profession. I'm good with children, and I've got a solid education."

And I can walk through walls, vanish, DO THAT VOICE, work outside and around time, oh, and save the universe if needed as well. Best not to bring that up now, though; who knows what these ... beings might do about it. And one never knew who might be listening. She doesn't mention the poker either, although she shifts it from left hand to right and holds it in a matter that suggests that she's had a lot of experience beating the hell out of things with it, or at least threatening to do so.

The Cat rolls its eyes in a friendly (and rather disconcertingly out-of-sync) way, and asks, "Milk, dark, or white chocolate?"
She smiles, although it has to be noted that the smile really doesn't quite reach her eyes. "Dark, of course. And no bloody nougat centres, please."

"'Choose the two coolest: robots, pirates, fairies, bears, ninjas, monkeys, vampires, or humans,'" says Mickey, giggling a bit as he goes through the list. "'Explain.'"
"Someone once told me that 'ninja' was Agatean for 'the passing wind'," she says. "Some vampires are all right -- well, the Black Ribboners are, anyway -- and the Tooth Fairies tend to be good, hardworking girls. But for the two 'coolest' -- humans, because for all their stupidity and aggravation, they do manage to pull off some remarkable things. And bears, because as animals go, they're relatively sensible beasts."

"Great!" Mickey flips through the blank pages of the notebook at top, cartoon-y speed. "Well, I think that's just about it! Oh, and I'm supposed to ask, 'for your safety: are you carrying anything sharp?'"
"Just this," she says, indicating the poker. Her seemingly amiable expression is not entirely pleasant. "It only kills monsters, mind you."

((Susan is taken from a few years after the end of The Thief of Time; before her arrival at Dizzy Land via an unfortunate magical accident, she spent a few months at Hogwarts in