Application: The Rani (Doctor Who)

[markoftherani]

The inside of the Rani's TARDIS was an unholy mess.

The Tetraps had done plenty of damage to begin with (and they'd left a fair amount of their effluvia behind, disgusting), and trying to get them out had done even more. An entire century's worth of experiments in wreckage on the floor, the contents of the greenhouse half-eaten, –and where in the universe was she going to get another Katraxian sunflower?– five hundred years' worth of notes in disarray, the neutron accelerator completely trashed, to say nothing of the hypersonic regulators -- and all of this on top of the fact that she'd never had a chance to repair the damage that unmitigated –here was a curse that couldn't quite be spoken with normal humanoid vocal chords– did when he separated the secondary console room and left her with that damn Tyrannosaurus...

Time to find somewhere quiet to settle down and fix the poor thing. She patted the console soothingly –there there, my love, it'll be all right, we'll get you back in order soon enough; that nice little planet in the Argos system should do nicely– flicked a few switches and adjusted one of the sliders—

The floor tilted wildly and she fell, catching hold of the edge of the console by her fingernails. Alarm klaxons screaming –Rassilon's arse, was that the cloister bell?– an awful groaning noise from somewhere down the corridors. She slammed her hand down on the emergency stabiliser and after one more stomach-jolting shake, everything was still.

She leaned against the console, taking stock. Her TARDIS was queasy and drowsy at the same time, and it made the Rani's stomach turn just a little as well. She checked her instruments and frowned. That time reading couldn't possibly be right, could it? And those spatial readings—what did those coordinates even mean?

Only one way to find out.

She pushed the door open and blinked in the bright sunlight. A glance over her shoulder confirmed that the chameleon circuit was working properly; to any other viewer, it would seem that the entrance plaza had sprouted an extra ticketing booth. She looked up at the sky and frowned. –Looks and smells like a bog-standard carbon-based-life-supporting planet orbiting a G-class star, but the time flow is all wonky, and dear Rassilon what is that?–

***

She takes a step towards the curious two-dimensional mouse, tries to walk around it, and when it talks, it has to be admitted that she jumps a little.

Mickey coughs theatrically. "'What is your name?'"

"Who's asking?" she retorts. When no response seems forthcoming, she says, "I am called the Rani."

"What is your quest?" asks the Cat. It's perched, suddenly, on the roof of one of the gate-stiles.

Talking cats. Two-dimensional talking cartoon mice –wasn't this one from that planet the Doctor loves so much, that little third-rate watery rock with the unfortunately all-too-useful natives– and the flow or not-flow of time creating a feeling of pressure behind her eyes... She feels she's entirely justified in snapping, "None of your business."

"'What is the average w..?'" Mickey frowns down at the notebook. "You know, I don't really see why that's important." He flips a page. "'If you could be granted three wishes, what would they be?'"

She rolls her eyes. "As if wishes have any consequence in reality. Very well, if I must—I'd wish for my TARDIS to be repaired, for a fully-outfitted laboratory, and a planet where I can work in peace." She'd had Miasimia Gloria, of course, until everything there had dissolved into chaos. No thanks to the Doctor, as far as she was concerned.

"Or," the Cat says, examining its tail with interest, "if you were a genie and someone you were trying to give three wishes to was trying to trick you into giving him more, what would you say?"

"Is shooting the fool allowed?"

Mickey looks rather nonplused at the next, but reads, "'When the revolution comes, what skills will you be able to barter for food?'"

"Are you expecting a revolution? There are things that can be done, you know, to prevent such inconveniences from happening, but -- you were asking about skills. I am a scientist. I could engineer troops to handle the anarchy effectively. Were a food shortage to become an issue, I've no doubt I would be able to help find a resolution. I expect I could be of considerable use."

Of course, it's possible that her methods would have certain detrimental (and potentially lethal) effects on the subjects during the experimentation and refinement processes, but that was the cost of doing business, as it were.

The Cat rolls its eyes in a friendly (and rather disconcertingly out-of-sync) way, and asks, "Milk, dark, or white chocolate?"

She takes a deep breath, straining to keep her temper in check. This is becoming most wearisome. "Chocolate." Oh, yes, the plant-derived theobromine-and-vegetable-fat compound from that stupid backwater planet. "None. I can't stand the stuff."

"'Choose the two coolest: robots, pirates, fairies, bears, ninjas, monkeys, vampires, or humans,'" says Mickey, giggling a bit as he goes through the list. "'Explain.'"

–This is the biggest pile of nonsense I've had to sit through since that time at the Academy when bloody damn Mortimus decided– Not something she wants to think about right now. "I cannot believe I'm answering this infantile question, but if you've got to have one, very well -- robots and monkeys. Robots make reliable servants and monkeys uncomplaining test subjects." She shoots a look at the Cat that suggests it'd make a good one itself, if not for the whole talking thing. Talking test subjects are an annoyance.

"Great!" Mickey flips through the blank pages of the notebook at top, cartoon-y speed. "Well, I think that's just about it! Oh, and I'm supposed to ask, 'for your safety: are you carrying anything sharp?'"

"Not on me, no," she snaps. What's on board her TARDIS isn't up for discussion. "Now I've got a question of my own: where in the name of the Pythia am I?"


((Say hello to the Rani, mad scientist and villainess extraordinaire from classic Doctor Who. She's taken from a point after the end of Time and the Rani. Note that for the sake of my brain, she currently looks more like she does in Mark of the Rani -- long straight hair, fitted jacket, leather trousers, boots with wicked heels. No poofy 1980s hair and space-cadet getup. Here's a screencap gallery. Check out her userinfo for background tl;dr, video links, and other fun and games. The muns for the Doctor and the Master have given their enthusiastic permission to torture their characters even more.))

Comments

[a-lonely-god.livejournal.com]

The Doctor offers her a –slightly pained– smile of his own, raises a hand and gives her a little finger-wiggle of a wave.

“Surprise!” he sing-songs.

[markoftherani]

She considers them both in silence, sizing them up, simmering too, thinking of all the tick marks against their names in her head –can't decide who you're angrier at: the one for sabotaging the TARDIS and dumping you with the Tetraps later; or the other for taking off and leaving you with that–

And then she bursts out with the first thing that comes to her mind, which is:

"What in the name of Rassilon's privy happened to you two?"

Which is a stupid question; the answer, obviously, is regeneration; but wasn't the Master in that borrowed human body last time, and she'd only just left the Doctor, and—

Oh, this is a timeline tangle and no mistake.

[hear-the-drums.livejournal.com]

"The parades are sadly timed, so we couldn't get one for your arrival," the Master says, holding off the inevitable for a few more seconds. "But then, you probably wouldn't have liked it much anyway. I seem to recall that fireworks were never your thing unless you were causing the explosions yourself."

He stops for a moment, considering how best to continue.

"Well, I'm on a new regeneration cycle," he starts smugly, "and he's just naturally that dim-looking. You must remember."

[markoftherani]

"The last time I saw him, he was short," she snaps. "Short and ridiculous-looking. Making up for something, Doctor? And you. How did you bribe the High Council into giving you a new regeneration cycle? Did you threaten to assassinate the Lord President again?"

[a-lonely-god.livejournal.com]

The Doctor drags his hand through his hair and tries not to sigh.

“‘S my ninth regeneration,” he explains. “And he’s just snippy because I’m taller than him again now.” He’d accuse her of being jealous because he’s pretty, but it isn’t really the appropriate time for more insults.

He doesn’t say anything to her question to the Master, but he he’s pretty sure he stopped his face from giving anything away just then.

[markoftherani]

"Isn't that a pretty knot in the timeline," she says. "Last time I saw you, you'd just undergone your sixth regeneration. Do I want to know how far into my future you are?" –reckless, always so damn reckless; shouldn't surprise me that he just goes through bodies like that. the only one who was worse was Kos—the Master and look what's happened to him–

[hear-the-drums.livejournal.com]

"I'm snippy because you're an idiot, not because of a minor height difference," he retorts. "And anyway, isn't half of the difference made up by your hair? You must work so hard on it in the morning."

As for the question... "Oh, far enough. But I don't think that's a good story to tell while your still standing. And, more importantly, sober."

[markoftherani]

She really doesn't like the sound of that.

There's something else she doesn't like either.

"What's going on here?" she says. "Shouldn't you," the Master, "be trying to destroy him," the Doctor, "or have you reformed as well as regenerated?"

Because they are being far, far too—well, chummy would be overstating it, but the last time the three of them were all in one place, they certainly didn't waste much time standing around bantering.

[a-lonely-god.livejournal.com]

It’s been several lifetimes but only around a hundred years, though it feels so much longer. The Doctor wonders if it’s because of how many bodies he’s gone through, or because he’s come to think of any part of his past before the War as long ago.

“Oh he still does that,” the Doctor assures her breezily. “His ways have just grown subtler and more elegant. It’s quite impressive really. And it’s been about a hundred years for me,” he adds. “Nothing terribly upsetting.” –well, as long as certain truths never come to light–

And is the Master really offering to get her drunk? That is quite a few levels of disturbing.

[hear-the-drums.livejournal.com]

He didn't offer; he was merely pointing it out.

"To be fair, it's not so much destroying him these days as it is humiliating him and making him feel worthless. Which was working quite well, until we ended up here."

He doesn't say a word about the Doctor's insistence that it was 'nothing terribly upsetting'. But honestly. How long does he think he can get away with that? The Rani is all sorts of unflattering things, but 'stupid' has never been one of them.

[markoftherani]

"Whatever you two have been up to—no, you are quite correct that this is not a conversation we need to have here. It will have to wait until the charade with the mouse is finished."

Another question occurs to her. "How did you get here? In your TARDISes?" Her look at the Doctor is one of contemptuous amusement. "Still flying that defective Type 40?"

[hear-the-drums.livejournal.com]

"You mean that defective Type 40 that he never performs proper maintenance on?" the Master tacked on. "Sadly, yes. I wasn't brought with one, though. I was sleeping on an aircraft carrier when I was snatched up." –which really just wasn't fair, the more thought about it–

[markoftherani]

"Still looks like a big blue box, then?" She has to laugh at that; really, that's never stopped being funny. As to the Master's prior state—that's interesting. "'Snatched up'? Like a transmat beam?"

[a-lonely-god.livejournal.com]

“Oi, leave off!” the Doctor exclaims, scowling. “My girl is perfect, than you very much.” Less annoyedly he adds; “Unfortunately nothing so simple. But it’s definitely a matter of being brought here, rather than getting here. We haven’t been able to figure out how yet, but there is obviously something incredibly powerful at work.”

[markoftherani]

"You think so?" she says ironically to the last. "The sheer amount of energy needed to maintain a place like this, much less replacing things as I've been told it does—not to mention the temporal and spatial barrier? It shouldn't even be possible. And if it's dragging people here—"

She puts her hands on her hips. "Have you two made even the slightest headway in researching this, or are you too busy squabbling over your methodologies and torturing each other to get any real work done?"

[hear-the-drums.livejournal.com]

The Master grit his teeth and rolled his eyes. "Well goodness, had we known you were going to be coming in to scold us about our efforts, we certainly would have tried harder. For your sake. As your opinion means so much to us both."

She had no idea. What with the enforced actions and the void incident and the--

"Of course, when you begin your research, I suggest you start by talking to any number of the fictional characters here. I'm sure they'll be able to help." He grinned.

[markoftherani]

She snorted and didn't even dignify the first response with an answer. –her opinion had mattered, once, especially when they were hanging out to dry while arguing with a professor and she knew just the one thing–

"What are you on about now? Fictional characters?" She rolled her eyes. "You always were deranged. I see you haven't changed."

[a-lonely-god.livejournal.com]

“It’s true,” the Doctor said blithely. “People from books. And movies, even.” A sage nod. “‘Course, they’re all Earth movies and books, far as I’ve seen. So maybe that doesn’t mean much to you, anyway.” He frowned, a crease forming between his eyebrows.

“Oh, you’re really going to hate it here, aren’t you?” He asked rhetorically. He suddenly felt rather sorry for her.

[markoftherani]

She glared at the Doctor, her expression saying in no uncertain terms oh very clever, you little clod, how did you guess? "I wish I could believe that you were either both totally mad, or that you were having an elaborate sort of joke. But you're not, are you?" She sighed. "Perhaps I shouldn't be surprised, in light of that thing with the wings."

[hear-the-drums.livejournal.com]

The Master's expression hardens somewhat at that mention. "Oh, she dropped by, did she? Yes, she seems to have taken an interest in our species, as it were." –in poking her divine nose about in places where it didn't–

"In any case, I'm fairly sure that we are totally mad, so don't write that off," he suggests merrily. After all, considering what had happened the last time they were in close proximity to each other, this should be considered one of their more lucid days. Seeing dead people.

((I iz stupid and changed the tense. *looks sheepish*))

[markoftherani]

"No, I've never written off the possibility of an insanity diagnosis as far as you two are concerned," she replied. "Isn't this just brilliant: the three of us stuck here inside some temporal anomaly, surrounded by idiots, fictional characters, and the odd immortal. Oh, and a Tyrannosaurus Rex, or so I'm told." A very hard look for the Master at that.

[hear-the-drums.livejournal.com]

He blinked, then--

No, a few more blinks were in order.

"A...." He tilted his head. Raised his eyebrows. "A...."

Nope. Don't say it. If you don't, it's not real. Not. Real.

[a-lonely-god.livejournal.com]

The Doctor rubs his nose and looks away at her glare, letting the Master and the Rani talk about goddesses and madness and… giant dinosaurs, apparently.

He starts to laugh. Covers his mouth with his hand. Laughs some more. –starts calculating in his head and taking odds as to which one of them is going to hit him first–

“I saw that,” he says through his giggles. “It’s green and it talks.”

[markoftherani]

The Rani is more than happy to let the Master do the hitting, seeing as how he's been here longer and should have known.

"The two-dimensional duck-creature says it debates philosophy." She pauses a moment, realises what she's just said, and groans.

"Rassilon's cock and balls, you two are infecting me with your madness."

The Rani always did have the foulest mouth of any of the girls at the Academy. Well, of anyone, probably, short of—

[hear-the-drums.livejournal.com]

"Rassilon fucking the Pythia up the arse," the Master growls, clocking the Doctor upside the head. "Why didn't you say anything before? Moron."

He is completely avoiding the thought of it talking because that is just not for happy-making at this point.