Application: The Rani (Doctor Who)

[markoftherani]

The inside of the Rani's TARDIS was an unholy mess.

The Tetraps had done plenty of damage to begin with (and they'd left a fair amount of their effluvia behind, disgusting), and trying to get them out had done even more. An entire century's worth of experiments in wreckage on the floor, the contents of the greenhouse half-eaten, –and where in the universe was she going to get another Katraxian sunflower?– five hundred years' worth of notes in disarray, the neutron accelerator completely trashed, to say nothing of the hypersonic regulators -- and all of this on top of the fact that she'd never had a chance to repair the damage that unmitigated –here was a curse that couldn't quite be spoken with normal humanoid vocal chords– did when he separated the secondary console room and left her with that damn Tyrannosaurus...

Time to find somewhere quiet to settle down and fix the poor thing. She patted the console soothingly –there there, my love, it'll be all right, we'll get you back in order soon enough; that nice little planet in the Argos system should do nicely– flicked a few switches and adjusted one of the sliders—

The floor tilted wildly and she fell, catching hold of the edge of the console by her fingernails. Alarm klaxons screaming –Rassilon's arse, was that the cloister bell?– an awful groaning noise from somewhere down the corridors. She slammed her hand down on the emergency stabiliser and after one more stomach-jolting shake, everything was still.

She leaned against the console, taking stock. Her TARDIS was queasy and drowsy at the same time, and it made the Rani's stomach turn just a little as well. She checked her instruments and frowned. That time reading couldn't possibly be right, could it? And those spatial readings—what did those coordinates even mean?

Only one way to find out.

She pushed the door open and blinked in the bright sunlight. A glance over her shoulder confirmed that the chameleon circuit was working properly; to any other viewer, it would seem that the entrance plaza had sprouted an extra ticketing booth. She looked up at the sky and frowned. –Looks and smells like a bog-standard carbon-based-life-supporting planet orbiting a G-class star, but the time flow is all wonky, and dear Rassilon what is that?–

***

She takes a step towards the curious two-dimensional mouse, tries to walk around it, and when it talks, it has to be admitted that she jumps a little.

Mickey coughs theatrically. "'What is your name?'"

"Who's asking?" she retorts. When no response seems forthcoming, she says, "I am called the Rani."

"What is your quest?" asks the Cat. It's perched, suddenly, on the roof of one of the gate-stiles.

Talking cats. Two-dimensional talking cartoon mice –wasn't this one from that planet the Doctor loves so much, that little third-rate watery rock with the unfortunately all-too-useful natives– and the flow or not-flow of time creating a feeling of pressure behind her eyes... She feels she's entirely justified in snapping, "None of your business."

"'What is the average w..?'" Mickey frowns down at the notebook. "You know, I don't really see why that's important." He flips a page. "'If you could be granted three wishes, what would they be?'"

She rolls her eyes. "As if wishes have any consequence in reality. Very well, if I must—I'd wish for my TARDIS to be repaired, for a fully-outfitted laboratory, and a planet where I can work in peace." She'd had Miasimia Gloria, of course, until everything there had dissolved into chaos. No thanks to the Doctor, as far as she was concerned.

"Or," the Cat says, examining its tail with interest, "if you were a genie and someone you were trying to give three wishes to was trying to trick you into giving him more, what would you say?"

"Is shooting the fool allowed?"

Mickey looks rather nonplused at the next, but reads, "'When the revolution comes, what skills will you be able to barter for food?'"

"Are you expecting a revolution? There are things that can be done, you know, to prevent such inconveniences from happening, but -- you were asking about skills. I am a scientist. I could engineer troops to handle the anarchy effectively. Were a food shortage to become an issue, I've no doubt I would be able to help find a resolution. I expect I could be of considerable use."

Of course, it's possible that her methods would have certain detrimental (and potentially lethal) effects on the subjects during the experimentation and refinement processes, but that was the cost of doing business, as it were.

The Cat rolls its eyes in a friendly (and rather disconcertingly out-of-sync) way, and asks, "Milk, dark, or white chocolate?"

She takes a deep breath, straining to keep her temper in check. This is becoming most wearisome. "Chocolate." Oh, yes, the plant-derived theobromine-and-vegetable-fat compound from that stupid backwater planet. "None. I can't stand the stuff."

"'Choose the two coolest: robots, pirates, fairies, bears, ninjas, monkeys, vampires, or humans,'" says Mickey, giggling a bit as he goes through the list. "'Explain.'"

–This is the biggest pile of nonsense I've had to sit through since that time at the Academy when bloody damn Mortimus decided– Not something she wants to think about right now. "I cannot believe I'm answering this infantile question, but if you've got to have one, very well -- robots and monkeys. Robots make reliable servants and monkeys uncomplaining test subjects." She shoots a look at the Cat that suggests it'd make a good one itself, if not for the whole talking thing. Talking test subjects are an annoyance.

"Great!" Mickey flips through the blank pages of the notebook at top, cartoon-y speed. "Well, I think that's just about it! Oh, and I'm supposed to ask, 'for your safety: are you carrying anything sharp?'"

"Not on me, no," she snaps. What's on board her TARDIS isn't up for discussion. "Now I've got a question of my own: where in the name of the Pythia am I?"


((Say hello to the Rani, mad scientist and villainess extraordinaire from classic Doctor Who. She's taken from a point after the end of Time and the Rani. Note that for the sake of my brain, she currently looks more like she does in Mark of the Rani -- long straight hair, fitted jacket, leather trousers, boots with wicked heels. No poofy 1980s hair and space-cadet getup. Here's a screencap gallery. Check out her userinfo for background tl;dr, video links, and other fun and games. The muns for the Doctor and the Master have given their enthusiastic permission to torture their characters even more.))

Comments

[markoftherani]

"Full of questions, aren't we," the Rani replies shortly. Fact is, she doesn't mind as much as her brusque tone might imply; there's always been a mildly pedantic streak in her. "Second question first, as it's most relevant to where you're from. Hindi is a language spoken on the—" she has to think about this; she never was as familiar with Earth as— "On the Indian subcontinent. Now then, before I answer your first question, perhaps you could return the favour and tell me a little bit about where I am? And your name, if you please."

Because she's not going to go spilling information about her TARDIS or indeed, her origins all in one go, among strangers, in this place that makes no sense at all.

[kuchiki.livejournal.com]

"I apologize if I've been blunt or rude. It's customary procedure here that people appear and ask you questions, and then tell you a bit about themselves and this place in return." Rukia isn't like this with everyone, but her businesslike demeanor isn't adapted out of dislike or distrust for the other woman. She simply get the sense that the Rani is the kind of person -- or whatever -- who would more easily respect this kind of behavior and speech to something... mooshier, for lack of a better term. Rukia nods to the answr about the Indian subcontinent, even though she has no idea what or where that is.

When the woman asks for her name, she explains, "Of course. I am Kuchiki Rukia, originally from Japan. You're now located in an alternate version of Disneyland in California." She didn't know where California was, either. But everyone else seemed to.

[markoftherani]

"Thank you, Ms ... Kuchiki, is it?" –One of the others would have known right away, and here you dismissed it all those years as useless, knowing all those stupid primitive customs— Rukia is, in fact, taking the right approach, and the Rani appreciates her straight talk. "An alternate version, you say? I gather that you do not mean one that has been constructed in a different place on Earth." She turns to look out the gate.

And can't help wincing. The void outside does strange things to her perception, and she has to blink and look away.

"What is this place?" she demands sharply.

[kuchiki.livejournal.com]

"Yes, Ms. Kuchiki is correct. And no, I mean ... well, the only way to describe it is that it seems to be an alternate dimension in and of itself. We can't find any way out. The weather is always the same and the food always replenishes itself. Like magic, is the only way I know to describe it."

When the Rani asks what this place is, Rukia can only laugh, although it's a bitter sound. "I just told you. At least to the best of my own knowledge."

[markoftherani]

"Magic." She almost snarls the word out; to her, it's practically a profanity. The feeling of pressure behind her eyes is only worse, thanks to that sight of the grey nothingness out there.

Without any further word to Rukia, she vanishes into her TARDIS. Which probably looks a bit silly, seeing as how the thing looks like a ticketing booth. Shortly, there's a sort of wheezing, groaning noise, but otherwise, nothing happens. Moments later she re-emerges, looking, if anything, angrier than ever and muttering to herself.

"...like E-Space, but at least there the temporal flow makes sense, just a matter of negative co-ordinates; even running the Bambelli imaginary number set doesn't—" She stops her pacing and looks back up at Rukia, as if only just remembering the girl is there. In fact, that's exactly what it is.

"How many people are here? How many hours is the diurnal cycle? When you say 'replenishes', is there a visible mechanism?" Pause. "Well?"

[kuchiki.livejournal.com]

Rukia takes note of the way the woman seems to spit the word out. Clearly, she finds the concept objectionable. Interesting. When she suddenly vanishes, Rukia jumps sligtly, unsure if she should leave or not. But then the Rani returns.

When the Rani looks up at her again, Rukia lifts both eyebrows almost quizzically. The Rani's questions are met with, "I don't know the exact number, but about fifty. I have no idea -- how many are there in a normal Earth day? It's about as long as that. And no."

[markoftherani]

The Rani starts pacing and muttering again, quieter now, although Rukia might hear words like "immense power", "quantum singularity", "unhappy numbers", "event horizon", "Eye of Harmony", "collapsed black hole", and finally "absolutely bloody impossible."

She stops and turns back to Rukia. "The inhabitants of this place. Are any of them native to it?"

[kuchiki.livejournal.com]

Rukia blinked at the Rani's mutterings, not sure what any of that meant. "What's quantum singularity?" she managed to bring herself to ask, although she immediately regretted it as soon as she did.

"That depends if you consider the Cat and the Mouse natives."

[markoftherani]

"Localised distortions of space and time, of course," the Rani says, and it's probably fortunate for Rukia that she's too preoccupied with the larger issues of this place to go into a full lecture.

"Hmph. So everyone else here has been pulled in from elsewhere. Is there any known pattern? Any noticeable system to the matter?"

[kuchiki.livejournal.com]

"Oh," says Rukia, because she doesn't really know what else to say.

"It looks that way. Many of the people here seem to be from Earth, but not all of us. Those us from Earth seem to be disproportionately represented by America, England and Japan -- but that's still not everyone, either. A lot of the people from Japan came from Tokyo, although there seem to be many different versions of Tokyo, and again, that's not everyone."

[markoftherani]

"Earth. Earth. Why is it always Earth? And an uneven distribution. That's odd, very odd." She paces a few more steps. "Has anyone successfully left, and if so, how? Ecology. Insect life. Flora and fauna, what's present? Any noticeable energy-production mechanisms—power plants, turbines, et cetera?"

It has to be said that the Rani is chilly and brusque at the best of times, but when she's gone into problem-solving mode, she becomes several times worse. And unfortunately Rukia is on the sharp end of it.

[kuchiki.livejournal.com]

"It's not always Earth," Rukia says. "We've had at least one ... person ... from a place called the Culture, although I've not seen him for a while." That makes Rukia worry. Has Skaffen disappeared, too? "Nobody, to the best of my knowledge, has left intentionally, although there have been unexplained disappearances." As for flora and fauna... "Well, there are ducks." That last sentence is spoken a bit amusedly.

[markoftherani]

"Ducks. As in the Earth waterfowl, Anatidae family? Anything else?" The Rani might have been vague on Earth customs, but she did know her biology. "Has anyone actually witnessed a disappearance? Has a cause—no, you said 'unexplained', but has any effort been made to monitor the populace? Or are you lot just sitting around waiting for something to happen?"

[kuchiki.livejournal.com]

"Yes, those." Rukia didn't know those fancy scientific names, but she knew what the woman was talking about. (In fairness, it was not because she was bad at science or slow to catch on. She probably would have been quite good at it, actually, had she been raised with it or ever had any kind of real use for it.)

"We've never actually had anyone witness a disappearance. The closest we've ever come is two people whose friend disappeared from the same room they were in while both were sleeping. The friend later returned, though, and is currently in the park." As for efforts to monitor the populace...

Rukia rolled her eyes a little at the Rani's demanding tone, but nonetheless answered dutifully. "Several attempts have been made to monitor the population. Cayce Pollard keeps a list of everyone currently in the park."

[markoftherani]

The Rani stands very still, deeply absorbed in thought; gaze unfocused, arms folded.

It was one of those things that Time Lords did: vanish deep somewhere inside themselves to apply every part of one's intellect to a complex problem. It was a quiet, inwardly-turned thing –except in rare cases who tended to babble when they did this, talk it all out, just as–

She frowns.

–not enough facts, not enough information. Too many gaps, and while this girl is helpful enough she clearly doesn't have the rigour necessary to make a proper go of the problem. Make inquiries. Find this Cayce Pollard. More data, more data–

[kuchiki.livejournal.com]

Rukia goes silent, too, not sure how to handle the woman's new stance. "Rani?" she says quietly, hoping to stir the woman out of herself. "Rani, are you all right?"

((x.x Sorry this took so long.))

[markoftherani]

It's a moment before the Rani snaps out of her trance. "Perfectly," she says briskly. "I can see I have a lot of work ahead of me."

She's already looking over the top of Rukia's head. She's gotten what she can out of the girl, she feels, and as far as she's concerned, they are finished. For now.

((No worries. ^_^))

[kuchiki.livejournal.com]

"I suppose you must." Rukia, too, can sense she is no longer of use, at least for the time being, and so begins to depart, but not before offering a little bow and, "I live in Critter Country. Come look me up if you need anything."

[markoftherani]

A curt little nod. The Rani has never been all that good with the social niceties, especially not when there's a problem on her mind.