Application for Jim of Jim's Journal

[vapid-jim.livejournal.com]

Mickey coughs theatrically. "What is your name?"

"I'm Jim."

"What is your quest?" asks the Cat. It's perched, suddenly, on the roof of one of the gate-stiles.

"Today I slept in and missed my geology class. I was tired all day. But later I got in front of the TV. I had a box of Hostess Cupcakes and a bottle of Coke and I felt fine."

"What is the average w..?" Mickey frowns down at the notebook. "You know, I don't really see why that's important." He flips a page. "If you could be granted three wishes, what would they be?"

"I'd like to work at some place other than McDonald's in the fall."

"Or," the Cat says, examining its tail with interest, "if you were a genie and someone you were trying to give three wishes to was trying to trick you into giving him more, what would you say?"

"It's the principle of the thing."

Mickey looks rather nonplused at the next, but reads, "When the revolution comes, what skills will you be able to barter for food?"

"Today I washed the windows at McDonald's. I liked it. I didn't have to pay attention to anything else around me. I just washed the windows."

The Cat rolls its eyes in a friendly (and rather disconcertingly out-of-sync) way, and asks, "Milk, dark, or white chocolate?"

"Today I went to the store and bought a candy bar. I guess it's been a while since I've eaten one. It didn't taste as good as I remember."

"Choose the two coolest: robots, pirates, fairies, bears, ninjas, monkeys, vampires, or humans," says Mickey, giggling a bit as he goes through the list. "Explain."

"Today Steve rented a movie on video. It was Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan. I didn't really feel like watching it because I had homework to do. But I ended up watching the whole thing anyway."

"Great!" Mickey flips through the blank pages of the notebook at top, cartoon-y speed. "Well, I think that's just about it! Oh, and I'm supposed to ask, for your safety: are you carrying anything sharp?"

"Today I accidentally cut my thumb on a piece of paper. 'Ooh, a paper cut, those are the worst!' Tony said. But it wasn't too bad. I tried to put on a Band-Aid, but it was hard to open. The red string just came right out, and I had to tear the little package all up."


((Jim is the main character of Jim's Journal, an anti-humor college comic strip. Not that it matters, but he's taken here from the end of the first collection, I Went To College and It Was Okay.))

Comments

[irrepressible-c.livejournal.com]

"You like washing windows?" says Calvin. "Why are you so boring?"

All grownups are to some extent, of course, but this is ridiculous.

[vapid-jim.livejournal.com]

"I don't know."

[irrepressible-c.livejournal.com]

And he doesn't even deny that he's boring? Calvin glowers in confusion, stuffs his hands in his pockets, scuffs his feet against the bricks, and finally comes up with, "Do you want to be boring?"

[vapid-jim.livejournal.com]

"I guess I just am."

[irrepressible-c.livejournal.com]

"Well...well, why don't you try not being boring? Start writing limericks or travel to outer space or learn to swallow swords or eat bugs or tour the Amazon or something!"

[vapid-jim.livejournal.com]

"Yesterday I was bored. So I took a bus to the mall. I spent all day looking around in the book stores, record stores, and gift shops. Today when I woke up my legs were sore."

[irrepressible-c.livejournal.com]

Calvin stares at Jim, flummoxed. "Is that supposed to be some kind of lesson about consumerism?" he hazards after a moment. "I get those sometimes from my dad..."

[vapid-jim.livejournal.com]

"Yesterday in my philosophy class we learned all about Karl Marx. It was pretty interesting. For the rest of the day I thought about Marxism and thought it was a good philosophy. But the next day I was back to my regular self."

[katou-moon.livejournal.com]

Katou opens his mouth, raising a finger. Then he seems to think for a moment, closes his mouth, drops his finger, and walks in the direction he just came.

[caycep]

Cayce has worked with guys (and women, to be fair) like this before.

Unfortunately.

Still. She wants to be polite, so she waves. "Hi there. Welcome to Disneyland."

[vapid-jim.livejournal.com]

"Hi. Thanks."

[caycep]

"So. Um. Anyone told you how this place works yet?"

[vapid-jim.livejournal.com]

"No. On my first day of college, I had a big envelope filled with maps and brochures the school sent me. I used them to find my way to my dorm, the cafeteria, and other places. After walking around all day I went to my dorm room and just sat there."

[caycep]

...okay.

"Right." Cayce scurries off to one of the information booths and returns with a Disneyland map. "Well, here's a map for this place. The Mouse will assign you a place to live, the stuff in the shops regenerates itself, and there's always food, although you have to prepare it yourself. And ... that's the short version, anyway."

[vapid-jim.livejournal.com]

"Thanks. You know, you remind me of Ruth. I met her at McDonald's. She's always in a good mood."

[caycep]

Cayce's smile looks a little worn around the edges.

"Um. Thanks. Well, good luck here."

[a-good-man.livejournal.com]

Daniel jogs up to the young man with what he hopes is a friendly smile on his face. His last (and, well, only) attempt to greet a new arrival didn't turned out very well, and he feels ill today, but after hearing the lost tones of the young man's answers he feels that has to come say hello. At least this guy is almost certainly not going to try to shoot anyone.

“Hi,” he says, tentatively, “I'm Daniel. Um… are you alright?”

Daniel was freaked out enough to find himself here, and he’s been to other planets, and has even travelled to an alternate reality. If this guy’s experiences are more… ordinary, who knows what he could be thinking. Maybe he’s in shock… Daniel tries to remember how Janet normally ascertains these sorts of things.

[vapid-jim.livejournal.com]

"Today I didn't feel like getting out of bed. I don't know why. I just didn't. Then Tony came into my room and said, 'Hey, you bum, get up! There's a phone call for you!' It was Ruth from McDonald's. She wanted me to work for her today. I said I would."

[a-good-man.livejournal.com]

Daniel nods in empathy.

“Yeah, I have days like that too,” he says. “Days you just know something bad is going to happen.” The last time he had that feeling was the day of the mission to PC9483, which turned out to be Machello’s planet. Definitely should have stayed in bed that day… although in the end he was glad to have given Machello his ‘holiday’.*

Although he was less happy about it when he received his visa bill at the end of the month.

“Is that where you were going when you found yourself here?” he asks Jim. “To work?”

((*summary of that episode here (http://www.shahrazad.net/~sgcompendium/eps/holiday.html).))

[vapid-jim.livejournal.com]

"Yes. I decided a job is a good way to meet people. I went to McDonald's and filled out an application. I was hired right away and a guy showed me how to put fries in their little bags. His name was Mark or Matt or something like that. I worked all day. I must've bagged a million fries.

"I couldn't get to sleep last night. I kept thinking I still had to bag fries. So I watched an old movie on TV. Tony thinks I should quit my job at McDonald's. But I kinda like it."

[a-good-man.livejournal.com]

“Although you said you'd like to work somewhere else in the fall,” Daniel remembers. “Look, um, are you... are you sure you're alright? You look a little… stressed. Maybe you should sit down for a minute. Would you like some water, maybe?”

[vapid-jim.livejournal.com]

"I'm okay, thanks. I guess it's been a long day. I had a lot of tests this week... My brain is exhausted. On my way home today I saw a guy playing his saxophone on the side walk. I sat and listened to him. It was just what I needed."

[a-good-man.livejournal.com]

"You know, they say math and music are the only two universal languages," Daniel observes. "If you think about it, everyone in the world has a connection with some kind of music, even if others might not consider their taste even music at all. But then again, by that consideration music isn't really universal at all, because as art it speaks to different people in different ways. For example, you were soothed by the saxophone player, but some people really dislike the sounds that instrument makes."

Sometimes, thinking about something else helps in stressful situations. Daniel, very practiced in the art of avoiding things, knows this well.

"What do you think?"

[vapid-jim.livejournal.com]

"You sound like a professor.

"I got up late today to the sound of music I'd never heard before. It was loud. Tony was dancing to it in the hall. He said it was a tape of Eskimo song duels that he had to listen to for his music appreciation class.

"Then when I came home from school, Tony was watching TV and playing a tape. I recognized the music. I looked at the tape. It was the Blue Danube. Tony said he was listening to it for his music appreciation class. He said it was too boring to listen to by itself, which is why he was watching TV.

"'Jim,' Tony said, 'if you ever see a record by John Cage, I strongly recommend you don't buy it.' I asked him why he was listening to all this music so late in the semester. He told me it was because the test wasn't until today. 'I don't know why I ever took this class,' he said."

[mickey-mous.livejournal.com]

"Well, all righty. Are you ready to find out which of our excitin' lands you're gonna live in?"

[vapid-jim.livejournal.com]

"Yes."

[mickey-mous.livejournal.com]

Mickey scratched his head. "Okay... well, I'm gonna put you on Main Street, then. Your mail will go to Jim (http://community.livejournal.com/dizzy_land/tag/jim). Welcome to the Happiest Place on Earth!"