[identity profile] a-cruel-irony.livejournal.com posting in [community profile] dizzy_land
"No, no, NO!" Yzma crosses the small villages nearest the capital off her map. "Where can the little brat be!"

Rolling it up, she sits back in a huff, then bellows into the mouthpiece. "Kronk! I'm tired. Pull over."

Suddenly she's tumbling out of the little tent/backpack that Kronk uses to carry her and falls to the… paved ground? In a jungle?

"KRONK!" But he's not there. Instead there's some horrible jungle beast with sharp claws and vicious fangs and… a small red loincloth?


Mickey coughs theatrically. "'What is your name?'"

It's talking. Could it be someone else she's turned into an animal? Yzma pulls herself together remarkably quickly, drawing herself to her tallest and most condescending. "You don't recognize your new empress, Yzma? Now fetch me Kronk! …And a side of potatoes. With cheddar."

"What is your quest?" asks the Cat. It's perched, suddenly, on the roof of one of the gate-stiles.

Another one? What is this place, the flunky village? "We are looking for…" Yzma looks at the cat narrowly. Maybe they've hidden Kuzco amongst them. She suddenly smiles a terrifying, innocent smile. "… ahaha. A llama. Have you seen one?"

"'What is the average w..?'" Mickey frowns down at the notebook. "You know, I don't really see why that's important." He flips a page. "'If you could be granted three wishes, what would they be?'"

"I thought I gave you an order," she barks, then appears thoughtful for a moment. "Actually, make my potatoes a salad…"

"Or," the Cat says, examining its tail with interest, "if you were a genie and someone you were trying to give three wishes to was trying to trick you into giving him more, what would you say?"

Yzma waves her hand dismissively. "Why would I give anyone wishes? All these peasants whining for food... They should have thought of that before they chose peasanting."

Mickey looks rather nonplused at the next, but reads, "'When the revolution comes, what skills will you be able to barter for food?'"

"What revolution?" she demands. "Who told you that? The emperor had no heirs and it was a perfectly peaceful and lawful transition of power." Her eyes are flashing ominously. "Any revolutions will be dealt with harshly by the palace guards."

The Cat rolls its eyes in a friendly (and rather disconcertingly out-of-sync) way, and asks, "Milk, dark, or white chocolate?"

"Well, Kronk does a nice, light little soufflé with this… bah! What is this nonsense? Where is he, anyway? If he slipped off for more exotic bird bingo…"

"'Choose the two coolest: robots, pirates, fairies, bears, ninjas, monkeys, vampires, or humans,'" says Mickey, giggling a bit as he goes through the list. "'Explain.'"

"Monkeys? Don't waste my time talking about big, stupid monkeys. Speaking of…" She looks around. "Kronk!!"

"Great!" Mickey flips through the blank pages of the notebook at top, cartoon-y speed. "Well, I think that's just about it! Oh, and I'm supposed to ask, 'for your safety: are you carrying anything sharp?'"

Yzma slowly and alluringly starts to pull up her gown to show off one skinny, wrinkly old leg. Now would be a good time to gasp and look away. Oh, wait, it's only a dagger hidden in her garter. Phew! She brandishes it with a sly grin.

((Yzma is taken from somewhere in the middle of the Disney movie, The Emperor's New Groove, when she's searching for the real emperor-turned-llama Kuzco.))
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A world of laughter. A world of tears. A world of hope. A world of fears.

December 2016

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