"Well, all right. I guess I should tell ya a little 'bout Christianity then. Pull up a crate," grinned Adam, setting one down and settling on it. It felt right to be telling stories this way.
"See there's this one God who made everythin'. At first, he just made Heaven an' a bunch of angels. An' everythin' was real good. But his second-in-command, an angel called Lucifer, thought he could do God's job better or somethin', so he formed an army to take over. God decided that wantin' to do that was Pride an' Pride was Wrong, so He made all the angels in the new army Fall down to a new place called Hell where everythin' is bad an' all the rebel angels turned to demons with Lucifer as their leader. With me so far?" he asked.
"Right. Well, after a bit, God started creatin' stuff like Time an' stars an' planets an' then He finally created the Earth. An' after creatin' water an' land an' plants an' animals, He created people. Two people. Adam an' Eve. Humans who had free will. That's sorta a whole long story on its own, but basic'ly, those two had some kids and eventu'ly the whole world was covered in people with free will to decide if they wanted to be good or bad. So Heaven an' Hell started tryin' to influence the people to be good or bad so they'd go to Heaven or Hell when they died."
Adam wished he'd thought to bring a water bottle back as well. "Okay, so after 'bout four thousand years, God had a human son called Jesus. An' Jesus did miracles an' preached 'bout how people should be nice to each other an' lovin' an' stuff. Buncha people didn't like that, so they had him brutally killed. But by Jesus dyin' when he wasn't guilty, it somehow saved everybody's soul so they could go to Heaven, an' made it so you hadda be real bad to go to Hell.
"Worshippin' him, Jesus Christ, is called Christianity. An' Jesus's friends went out an' started this big church an' stuff. So people started writin' these stories down into the book I told you 'bout called the Bible. Well, some prophets started figurin' out what would happen later and wrote it up in the last chapter of the Bible called Revelations."
He sighed. "Revelations says that jus' like God had a son, Lucifer was gonna have one, too. He was gonna be called the Antichrist - the Beast where Jesus was the Lamb - an' he was gonna bring about the end of the world after it'd been around for six thousand years. Then Heaven an' Hell were gonna count up the people an' have a big war to see which side was better for once an' for all."
Pausing, Adam looked at Starbuck. "This makin' sense so far? Well, I mean it don't really make sense, but you're followin' it all right?"
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timeasmymeasure
Rethreaded. Whee!
Date: 2007-05-18 01:34 am (UTC)"See there's this one God who made everythin'. At first, he just made Heaven an' a bunch of angels. An' everythin' was real good. But his second-in-command, an angel called Lucifer, thought he could do God's job better or somethin', so he formed an army to take over. God decided that wantin' to do that was Pride an' Pride was Wrong, so He made all the angels in the new army Fall down to a new place called Hell where everythin' is bad an' all the rebel angels turned to demons with Lucifer as their leader. With me so far?" he asked.
"Right. Well, after a bit, God started creatin' stuff like Time an' stars an' planets an' then He finally created the Earth. An' after creatin' water an' land an' plants an' animals, He created people. Two people. Adam an' Eve. Humans who had free will. That's sorta a whole long story on its own, but basic'ly, those two had some kids and eventu'ly the whole world was covered in people with free will to decide if they wanted to be good or bad. So Heaven an' Hell started tryin' to influence the people to be good or bad so they'd go to Heaven or Hell when they died."
Adam wished he'd thought to bring a water bottle back as well. "Okay, so after 'bout four thousand years, God had a human son called Jesus. An' Jesus did miracles an' preached 'bout how people should be nice to each other an' lovin' an' stuff. Buncha people didn't like that, so they had him brutally killed. But by Jesus dyin' when he wasn't guilty, it somehow saved everybody's soul so they could go to Heaven, an' made it so you hadda be real bad to go to Hell.
"Worshippin' him, Jesus Christ, is called Christianity. An' Jesus's friends went out an' started this big church an' stuff. So people started writin' these stories down into the book I told you 'bout called the Bible. Well, some prophets started figurin' out what would happen later and wrote it up in the last chapter of the Bible called Revelations."
He sighed. "Revelations says that jus' like God had a son, Lucifer was gonna have one, too. He was gonna be called the Antichrist - the Beast where Jesus was the Lamb - an' he was gonna bring about the end of the world after it'd been around for six thousand years. Then Heaven an' Hell were gonna count up the people an' have a big war to see which side was better for once an' for all."
Pausing, Adam looked at Starbuck. "This makin' sense so far? Well, I mean it don't really make sense, but you're followin' it all right?"