Doesn't like dice games with sharpies and frauds

[una-harlequin.livejournal.com]

((Occurs sometime the week after Bad Fanon Day and the subsequent fallout. Closed to Una and Starbuck.))

Despite occasional temptations to do so, Una had still not cracked open the bottle of moonshine that John Crichton had sent to her back when she'd first arrived.

Given events of the last several days, the temptation was now overwhelming.

She hated drinking alone, though, and being in one of those moods where she wanted to blame the entire male gender for everything that was wrong with the universe, she had absolutely no desire to drink with any of the men or male beings of her acquaintance.

She'd done a fairly crap job of making female friends in this place. She liked Psyche, but there was something eerily not quite right about boozing up with a goddess, especially one who could see through a person with alarming accuracy. Which—

Of course. Starbuck. They'd scarcely seen each other at all since Una had arrived, more was the pity, and that needed to be remedied. And this was as good an excuse as any.

Starbuck,

So I'm not at all sure why I haven't written or visited sooner, as I did enjoy talking to you when I arrived here. Can I make that up to you by offering a drink? I'm afraid it's only the local moonshine, but it's better than nothing. Your place or mine?

-Una Persson

((ETA: Rated PG-13 to R for not especially moderately explicit, but and pretty unmistakable femmeslashiness.))

Comments

[i-have-my-flaws.livejournal.com]

Starbuck smiled back, looking just a little devious, though she didn't know it. "How're you doing?" She could really go for a complicated breakfast right at that moment, but that could wait a while.

[una-harlequin.livejournal.com]

That Starbuck had clearly not panicked or run away and was showing no sign of regrets was a relief; Una had heard But I was drunk! more than once in her life, and was glad to not have that particular problem now.

"Mm." She tested her limbs a little, enjoying the physical contact, and pretended to consider the question seriously. "Thirsty," she said finally. "But otherwise remarkably good. And you?"

[i-have-my-flaws.livejournal.com]

"I am more rested than I've been in... something like a year, I guess, though I'm trying not to think too hard about time." She reached over, crawling an inch or two until she could grab a couple of the water bottles that she had stocked in various corners of the place. She handed one over to Una, an excuse to get closer again as the floor was cold once you moved off the mattress, and she wasn't ready to be that awake yet. "You read my mind otherwise."

[una-harlequin.livejournal.com]

Una propped herself up on one elbow as Starbuck went for the water, and murmured a "thank you" on receiving the bottle. "Considering the usual effect that stuff has, I think we can consider ourselves fortunate," she said. No, definitely not wanting to get up and about just yet. She reached over and brushed a light hand over Starbuck's shoulder.

[i-have-my-flaws.livejournal.com]

The touch was a surprise, but welcome enough that she didn't start at it. She was still a little groggy, giving all sensation an echo effect that served as a reminder. She ran a thumb over Una's hipbone. "Considering that stuff, I'd say the fact that we're both not leaping to opposite sides of the room is also a good thing." She'd had the I was drunk! thing pulled on her too. It usually earned less than an eyeroll from her. "We could have just as easily lost time from it and not remembered anything."

[una-harlequin.livejournal.com]

Una chuckled. "Well. I may say that I'm glad to have not lost time. And that we're not leaping to opposite sides of the room either." Her hand trailed down Starbuck's arm, stopping just short of the hand on her own hip. "You're all right, then." That this referred to more than simply physical well-being was no doubt obvious.

[i-have-my-flaws.livejournal.com]

((oh good lord, lj. my battlestar for a notification. >.<))

"Out of all the unexpected things I could do in this place, this easily ranks as Least Self-Destructive." She watched Una's hand, tongue flicking out to touch her bottom lip. "Which is a first for me. So yeah, I'd say I'm doing fine."

She took a swig from her water bottle. "What about you? Feeling less weighed down by the unfortunate presence of extra testosterone around here?"

[una-harlequin.livejournal.com]

Una laughed. "Yes, I think so. Definitely in a much more forgiving mood." She took a drink of her own water and turned to lie on her stomach, resting on her elbows. She looked at Starbuck, her eyes kind. "There's no obligation on you, you know," she said quietly. "I don't really do that sort of thing, as you might've guessed. I'm happy enough to count you a friend."

Not that she'd say no to this sort of thing happening again, either. But one thing at a time.

[i-have-my-flaws.livejournal.com]

Starbuck nodded, looking unperturbed. Her eyes were actually level with Una's hip, as she'd had another look at the scar on Una's hipbone and found herself wondering a little more actively about it than she had last night. "I'm pretty easy about this sort of thing. Don't have to worry about me expecting anything."

She wouldn't really object to it reoccurring either, which was sort of a funny thought from her end, seeing as she'd never done anything like it until last night.

[una-harlequin.livejournal.com]

"Glad we see eye to eye on that, then," Una said, and she really was very happy about it. She'd needed a friend like Starbuck, with or without what had happened last night and whether or not they ever ended up in bed again, and she hadn't quite realised how acute that need was until she'd finally allowed herself to break. Even the most skilled aerialist needs to touch the ground every now and then.

She followed Starbuck's gaze and the corner of her mouth twitched slightly. Ah yes, that.

[i-have-my-flaws.livejournal.com]

It wasn't as though Starbuck was exactly comfortable keeping her female company with goddesses. And as good as Dean and Sam were to have around, there weren't enough people with experiences similar to her own. At least Una knew what it meant being a soldier.

But Starbuck was zeroing in on that scar again. Something about the shape of it, the color of it. "Sorry," she said when she noticed that Una's eyes had followed hers. "Had a nosy moment."

[una-harlequin.livejournal.com]

Una shifted slightly and rubbed her fingers over the mark, absently. Her little smile was a complicated expression, containing bits of weariness, resignation, grim amusement, and a little something else that would have been very hard to explain. "Mm. Well, I told you that sometimes he didn't even wait for one to turn around..."

[i-have-my-flaws.livejournal.com]

Her eyes went wide. "You're kidding." She felt a flash of rage, something that used to be very common to her that she hadn't really felt in some time.

It occurred to her a second too late that maybe she had the wrong idea. "Is it from... I mean... frak, none of my business. Sorry."

[una-harlequin.livejournal.com]

"It's all right," Una said quietly. "I should have—well. It's not as if it's an easy thing to explain in the first place." She took a long drink of water and was quiet for a moment, organising her thoughts.

"It's not as if I trust him, exactly," she said. "Not the way I'd trust the other. But there are things about this arrangement that ... Lines that won't be crossed, you might say." She looked at Starbuck with some amount of worry in her expression, concern that perhaps she'd said too much, exposed just a little too much darkness.

[i-have-my-flaws.livejournal.com]

Starbuck had had her fair share of destructive relationships in the past. She didn't think that was exactly what Una was referring to here. "So you let him do that, but it's like a deal between the two of you? You can only go so far with it, or something?"

Everyone had their kinks. It just seemed a little severe. Like punishing yourself. Not that Starbuck had never done that. Over and over.

[una-harlequin.livejournal.com]

"Yes. Something like that, yes." The corner of her mouth went up in a little smirk, again with the grim amusement. "And I should note that the arrangement goes both ways." She laughed quietly. "Quite the collection of broken dolls we are, wouldn't you say?"

[i-have-my-flaws.livejournal.com]

"Makes you both sound like outlets or something," Starbuck said absently, scratching the back of her neck while she tried to think. "But I'd say that most people are broken in one way or another. It's how we find people that hold it together for us." Her mouth twitched after a moment, a thought surfacing. "Does the Doctor... I mean does he...."

[una-harlequin.livejournal.com]

"Frankly, I blame my need for crisis," Una said.

Oh, lord, the Doctor. "I don't know that there's any way I could explain it to him. Any of it." She sighed. "'Returning were as tedious as to go o'er', like I said earlier—that pretty much sums up my situation, I daresay. Sometimes I think he'd understand better than I credit him for ... but much of the time I think it would simply break him. And so I say nothing and keep walking the tightrope." She grimaced. And then it occurred to her to add, "In case you're wondering—and if you're not, you probably would eventually—we haven't. The Doctor and I. Nothing more than a kiss. Or a few."

[i-have-my-flaws.livejournal.com]

"A few?" Starbuck raised her eyebrows. "Do you think he wants something to happen?" Because wouldn't that be one giant storm of trouble. Need for crisis or no.

[una-harlequin.livejournal.com]

"I don't think he knows what he wants. The man is exquisitely skilled in the art of denial and self-abnegation," Una said, and she found herself laughing at that, even though it wasn't really funny at all. And then she remembered his face, the look in his eyes when he'd asked her What do you want (sounding for all the world as if he'd never asked that question of anyone before, as if it had never occurred to him), and when he'd struggled to answer that question himself, and she sobered.

"I'm not being fair, really," she said bluntly. "To anyone, in any sense. Can't keep it up forever, even as I'm not sure I want it to end. Perhaps I'm simply waiting to get caught. Or looking for the point where I'll break." And then the urge for inappropriate humour, never far away, rose up again. "Or perhaps I should just drag them both into bed and get it overwith."

[i-have-my-flaws.livejournal.com]

"Never know, maybe it would," Starbuck said, almost sarcastically. She had to wonder, really. "Just... you know, you can come here whenever it gets to be... I mean, not that I wouldn't want you to come over even if it doesn't, but you know. My punching bag is your punching bag." She could've run with that one, but she let it be for now, not sure what would come from both of them unleashing the wry, dark humor.

Frak. No wonder she had needed last night. Starbuck was amazed she'd gone that long with the two of them, not gone to anyone else in all that time.

[una-harlequin.livejournal.com]

That earned a real smile. "Thank you," Una said, and she coloured a little. "And thank you for listening to me whinge and—" Trying to understand. Not judging. Not running away. "Well. Just for being who you are, really." And because she couldn't not, she leaned over and kissed Starbuck, lightly.

[i-have-my-flaws.livejournal.com]

Starbuck accepted it with a little more grace than she'd thought she would and kissed Una back. And though she would have normally pointed out that being who she was wasn't any great accomplishment, it seemed like such a mood kill that all she managed was, "Do you want to go get some breakfast?"

She was smiling, even though she didn't realize it.

[una-harlequin.livejournal.com]

Una would've argued the "accomplishment" point, frankly. Particularly if she'd known more about Starbuck's life.

"Breakfast. Yes." She sat up and stretched. "And perhaps we should find poor Sador, so that I can apologise to her."

[i-have-my-flaws.livejournal.com]

"She's probably waiting outside for us to come out," Starbuck told her, sitting up with her hands behind her. "She knows that she always gets fed better after she's been yelled at a bit."

She got to her feet and offered Una a hand. "I'm not much of a cook, I should warn you. I can manage cutting up fruit and putting things in those microwaves."