Application: Calvin and Hobbes

[irrepressible-c.livejournal.com]

A cardboard box comes flying out of thin air, and lands on the pavement with a whumph, sending its occupants tumbling out. The first, a little boy with messy yellow hair, gets to his feet and dusts off the knees of his black shorts, which reach almost to the tops of his sneakers. He looks to be about six years old, and wears a red-and-black striped t-shirt and, at the moment, scuba goggles. He pushes these up onto his forehead and, with an aggrieved expression, lifts the cardboard box from off of his companion.

"Ow," comments the tiger, lying sprawled on his back. After a moment, he sits up and rubs the back of his head. "Just once, I'd like to have a non-crash landing."


"Well, how was I supposed to know that the gravitron thrusters would cut out over Montana? If that 747 hadn't...is that my sandwich you're unwrapping?"

"I need something to soothe my nerves. Anyway, they get soggy if you leave...aachkpth!" At the first bite, Hobbes peers incredulously at the sandwich in question and makes a face. He seems to be having a little difficulty opening his mouth. "What ith thith?"

"Honey, banana and marshmallow. Well, I didn't make it for you, tuna breath, I...Hey! Hey, we're here!" Calvin lets go of the box, and spreads his arms wide as he runs around in a dizzy circle. "Disneyland! Oh boy oh boy oh boy! I want a mickey hat and a frozen lemonade and a hamburger and an ice cream and fudge, and then I want to go on a fast and jolting ride designed to disorient and induce nausea..."

Catches sight of Mickey, and stops. "Oh. Hi."

Hobbes blinks at the Mouse, and after a moment leans over to whisper to Calvin, "Okay, you're right, the pants aren't cool."

Mickey coughs theatrically. "'What is your name?'"

"Calvin! And this is Hobbes."

"What is your quest?" asks the Cat. It's perched, suddenly, on the roof of one of the gate-stiles.

"Well, it was to come here. See, Dad said that Disneyland was an example of exploitative consumerism at its worst, and he liked his vacations to involve authentic experiences rather than cheap manipulation and empty calories."

"So, I invented a hyperspeed cruiser so Hobbes and I could come here ourselves." He straightens one of the flaps of the cardboard box with pride. "But now that we're here, I guess I need a new quest? Unless..."

Calvin, the bold knight, stands at the gates of the ensorcelled kingdom. His helm is black as night, and his sword gleams, polished by the blood of fallen enemies. He is the knight with no quest, in search only of another foe to conquer...

"'What is the average w..?'" Mickey frowns down at the notebook. "You know, I don't really see why that's important." He flips a page. "'If you could be granted three wishes, what would they be?'"

This is a sufficiently interesting question to jerk Calvin's attention back. "A flamethrower! And, um. Wings! And retractable claws!...no, a prehensile tail!...or...A trillion billion dollars, my own space shuttle, and a private continent."

"A sandwich that wouldn't induce diabetic shock."

"Or," the Cat says, examining its tail with interest, "if you were a genie and someone you were trying to give three wishes to was trying to trick you into giving him more, what would you say?"

"...or, maybe a pet pterodactyl, or a..."

With a wry look over at the kid, "'Your Dad will have a fit if you put a triceratops in the garage.'"

"I'd move the car first!"

Mickey looks rather nonplused at the next, but reads, "'When the revolution comes, what skills will you be able to barter for food?'"

"Skills? I have all kinds of skills! I can invent things, and I can take things apart, and I'm a great thinker and explorer and a conceptual artist and the Dictator-for-Life of the Get Rid Of Slimy girlS Club! If there's a revolution, I'll be leading it!"

The Cat rolls its eyes in a friendly (and rather disconcertingly out-of-sync) way, and asks, "Milk, dark, or white chocolate?"

"Chocolate? Really?!" How much better can this day get? "Okay, milk, I guess..." says Calvin.

"Hm, that's a tough one," says Hobbes, thoughtfully, "I think I'd have to try all three."

"Oh, hey, that's right! Yeah, I need to try all of them. A couple times to make sure."

"'Choose the two coolest: robots, pirates, fairies, bears, ninjas, monkeys, vampires, or humans,'" says Mickey, giggling a bit as he goes through the list. "'Explain.'"

Hobbes looks critical. "Why bears but not tigers?"

"I don't know, why are you asking me? Um, okay...well, robots, obviously. Fairies are for girls." He's ticking the categories off on his fingers. "Monkeys are great! Last time we went to the zoo, Dad took me to the primate palace and you wouldn't believe what this one monkey was doing! In public! Ha ha!"

"Vampires are cool too. There was a movie on last night, 'Vampire Sorority Babes,' and I wanted to watch it but Mom said no, it was on too late. And then the sound of the TV at 2 am woke her up, so we only got to watch a few minutes and it was all goofy ladies in their underwear. So maybe they're not that cool." He scowls with concentration. "Ninjas are cool! I could be a ninja."

"Aren't ninjas supposed to be move swiftly and silently through the darkness?"

"Look, it was pitch black coming out of the bathroom, and if you hadn't pounced on me, I wouldn't have yelled! Fine, you can be a ninja, then. But pirates are also cool, and anyway it's more fun to talk like a pirate. Arr! Avast, me hearties! Man the gangplank and hard to the port starboard!" He turns to open his knapsack. "I think I brought paper, I can make a hat..."

"Great!" Mickey flips through the blank pages of the notebook at top, cartoon-y speed. "Well, I think that's just about it! Oh, and I'm supposed to ask, 'for your safety: are you carrying anything sharp?'"

"Sharp? I don't think so..." Calvin begins pulling assorted items out of his knapsack - comic books, a red cape and hood, a water pistol... "Nope, nothing sharp. Unless you've got something?" He turns to Hobbes.

Hobbes grins toothily, holds up one paw, and extends his claws.

Calvin looks apprehensive for a moment, then snorts and rolls his eyes. "Show-off."


((Calvin and Hobbes, from "Calvin & Hobbes." Text in italics is exclusive to Calvin's reality - see userinfo for details, but in general assume that unless your character has access to the perceived reality of others they're only seeing/hearing the regular text.))

Comments

[hidden-paw.livejournal.com]

"A small, very human boy and his over-sized toy tabby-cat. It's things like this that make one wonder about one's sanity." Macavity drops down from the roof of the ticket booth and prowls towards them, then prods the boy with one finger as though to check he's actually there. Neither of them are showing up in his fourth sight, which worries him a little.

Just a little.

[irrepressible-c.livejournal.com]

The boy looks alarmed at the drop down and subsequent prowling, and glances over at Hobbes for reassurance.

Who has his arms crossed. "What do you mean, 'tabby'? And who says I'm 'over-sized?'"

"Yeah! Maybe you should be worried about your sanity, you, you..." Calvin is saved from needing to come up with a snappy epithet by being prodded. "Hey!"

[hidden-paw.livejournal.com]

"Yes?" Replies Macavity, grinning as he ruffles the boy's hair. It's not a gesture of affection - he know how much it annoys people, and is really testing the child for any powers that might be useful/dangerous/avoidable in the near future.

[irrepressible-c.livejournal.com]

"Hey!" answers Calvin, equally cheerful. "Do you know how to get to Space Mountain?"

"Or where I could find a tuna fish sandwich?"

Eyeroll. "Or where they sell tuna fish sandwiches?"

[caycep]

Cayce has never really known how to act around children; she's never been particularly interested in having one her own, and frankly they make her a bit uncomfortable. Still. She has to at least like a kid who says his cardboard box is a hyperspace cruiser.*

"Hey there," she says, and waves a little.

* Even though Cayce loved the "Calvin and Hobbes" comic strip -- and admires Watterson's artistic integrity -- she still hasn't been in Disneyland long enough to bridge the gap between the drawings she knows and loves and the tousled boy and his toy tiger standing in front of her.

[irrepressible-c.livejournal.com]

"Hi!" says Calvin. "Who're you?"

Well, it seems like the relevant question. Calvin's really a lot more comfortable around adults than around kids his own age, but one of the reasons is that grownups don't usually take notice of you unless they've got something specific to say to you. 'What are you doing?' or 'Put down that paint can right now!' or 'Where did you even find this many live cockroaches?!' and then there is a clear response to give.

[caycep]

"I'm Cayce." Awkward pause. "That's, um. That's a nice tiger there."

[katou-moon.livejournal.com]

Katou (feeling better for the simple fact that I want him here, dammit) stared at the kid for a moment. Was he talking to himself?! Did he have some sort of personality disorder? And what was this? "It's just a fucking cardboard box," Katou mutters, going closer to it and kicking it lightly. "Ain't no hyper-gwaliticis."

He scowls at the kid for a moment, before sighing. "I'm so fucking glad I'm never having kids."

[irrepressible-c.livejournal.com]

"To the brainless and inattentive layman, it may appear to be a cardboard box," says Calvin crossly. "Like you'd know a hyperspeed cruiser if you saw one! You can't even remember the name!"

[snitchnicker.livejournal.com]

James Potter. School trouble maker, completely bad ass, and a puddle of goo on the ground. Maybe it's the father in him, or the fact that the kid's just so cute! He wonders if Harry's going to be like this, he'll have to make a point to ask Sirius later.

"Hey," he says, smiling. "What's your name?"

And he'll have to buy Harry one of those muggle stuffed animals when he gets back. He might never get to see Harry play with it, but Sirius will.

[irrepressible-c.livejournal.com]

"I'm Calvin! And this is Hobbes." Hobbes waves. "Who're you?"

[anthony-crowley.livejournal.com]

"Are you always so loud?" asks Crowley. It's safe to assume that he doesn't like children.

[irrepressible-c.livejournal.com]

"Is he ever. I've heard quieter foghorns." Hobbes looks down at his best friend with exasperated fondness.

"I'm loud when it's appropriate," says Calvin to Hobbes. To Crowley he says, "Are you always so snooty?"

He can't help admiring the sunglasses, though.

[child-goddess.livejournal.com]

There was somebody new in the park. And it was a child, too. She was no more the only six-year-old around! Admittably, it was a boy, but then again Aphrael was quite used to dealing with the male of the species. Surely a kid couldn’t be much more difficult to coax to her side than an adult. (A casual observer privy to this train of thought might have noticed that Aphrael’s experiences concerning six-year-old boys who hate girl germs were, on the other hand, quite limited.)

Smiling happily, she skipped towards the boy. “Hi!” she then said. “I’m Aphrael. Want to play?”

[irrepressible-c.livejournal.com]

Calvin crosses his arms and regards her with an expression of intense skepticism. Skipping? "What do you want to play?" Something stupid and girly, he's sure. Is that fairytale princess outfit she's wearing? In his mind, he's already filling the waterballoons.

[sensiblesusan.livejournal.com]

Back home, Susan could be relied on by her charges to see and dispatch the bogeymen and monsters that troubled them, because unlike most governesses, she knew damn well that they existed. Because the children believed in the monsters; but just as importantly, they believed in the power of Susan and the fireplace poker to get rid of them. Children, as the incident with the Hogfather proved, are little engines of belief.

It's immediately clear to Susan that Calvin is the belief equivalent of a nuclear power station. Because how else can you explain the tiger? Susan blinks; at first glance, it's a rumpled, well-loved stuffed toy, clutched in the boy's arms. But as she looks at it, she's aware of a sleek, full-grown Bengal tiger with intelligent eyes, and also of a nearly human-sized, slightly cartoonish version of same.

"Hello there," she says to Calvin. "Your tiger is very handsome."

[irrepressible-c.livejournal.com]

Calvin heaves an exasperated sigh. "Okay, fine," he says to Hobbes, "You were right. But the goggles aren't supposed to look dashing, they're supposed to protect your eyes against dangerous omega particles during the hyperspeed flight. Girls flipping for them is beside the point."

"Maybe to you." Hobbes is smiling his best lady-killer smile, pushing the scuba goggles back onto his forehead like a WWI flying ace doing the same. "Hi."

[alicereflection.livejournal.com]

"A young... boy," says Alice. She did have a brother, yes, but he had been older than her, and her younger brothers had both died at young ages. Truth be known, she didn't get along very well with boys when she was younger - this can probably be blamed on the influences of Charles Dodgson, who seemed to think young boys were too loud, too violent, and too dirty.

But still, Alice has grown up now, and Calvin seems alright.

She curtsies. "Good day, Calvin and Hobbes," she says. "My name is Alice."

[irrepressible-c.livejournal.com]

"Hi," says a boy who would, if he had ever met Mr. Dodgson, probably have caused the poor man to hide in his library for a week solid. He regards the curtseying with curiosity. "Why is your apron thing all stained?"

[desolemoony.livejournal.com]

The duo is so strange Remus isn't even sure he can describe them and do justice.

"Hello," he says, for lack of anything intelligent or summaritive to offer. "My name is Remus Lupin." He smiles kindly, looking at the active child and the tiger uncertainly. Finally, he asks, "Is that a rocket ship?" and points to the box.

[irrepressible-c.livejournal.com]

"It's a hyperspeed cruiser," Calvin explains with just a hint of condescension in his voice. "If it were a rocket ship it would be red. And I would be using it for interstellar or at least interplanetary travel. I went to Mars once."

[mickey-mous.livejournal.com]

Mickey steps up again. "Well, all righty, Calvin. And Hobbes. Do ya know which excitin' land you'd like ta live in?"

[irrepressible-c.livejournal.com]

"I don't know. Which one has the best rides?"